Lent 16

Psalm 71:14-15

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁴ As for me, I will always have hope;
    I will praise you more and more.

¹⁵ My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,
    of your saving acts all day long—
    though I know not how to relate them all.

Wow. Tough collection of readings today. This was the only good news I could find. David remains full of anxious fretting over his ever-present enemies, Jeremiah prophesies only doom and truly, I have no idea what Paul is talking about (again). 

This Lent gig is meant to be full of dark. The world is meant to grow darker and darker each day, right? The cost of our fast is meant to be growing. And instead I'm mostly just kind of used to it now. Sustaining the position of suffering and somber wandering is difficult. Submitting to the seasons of the church in lieu of the seasons of my heart is feeling kind of dumb. 

And yet, that's the point isn't it? In one of the several great paradoxes of our faith, this isn't about me, even though I also believe that of course, it's also for me. I am meant to somehow believe that I matter a great deal while understanding that in the same moment, I matter not at all. Those two things are true at the same time in their mutual exclusivity. 

Therefore, despite waking up this morning and feeling like the world may be possible and even lovely for this heart, I will also make space to linger in the despair that Jeremiah brings us, the despair of feeling like God may have run out of steam for our relentless turning away. I will bring my heart to solidarity with my brothers and sisters in Christ who are certain their enemies are only seconds away, and need to God to show up RIGHT NOW!! I will use crazy, old fashioned churchy language even, just because sometimes other people have said it better and remembering that all the crazy people who choose Jesus are my relatives is important.

On this 16th Day of Lent, I will not forget my place in this messy throng of messy believers. I will talk of God's righteousness and saving acts all day long, even if I don't know how to do it. And I'll just keep on having hope too, darn it.