Advent 20, 21, 22 & 23

These last days have been full of the things that make Christmas busy: Christmas concerts and preschool parties and dinner out and church and baking and making treats and driving around looking at Christmas lights with hot cocoa in the thermos.  And so there is a bit less time for writing it all down, but still enough time to make space for thoughtful gratitude.

This afternoon on the radio, a man spoke about how Christmas is celebrated and pointed out that Christmas is not a day, but a season.  And indeed, this year, more than any before it, Christmas has been a season for me. A season of peace, really and truly. There are a few fails along the way, where judgey awfulness gets the upper-hand, or the pace of consuming becomes more than my soul can bear and I consider panic. But most of the way to the manger has been slow and peace-full, quiet and thanksmaking.

The verses that have been the readings for the last four days tell the story of the Magi. Three kings who follow stars and can drop in on Herod for directions and have dreams they believe that make them defy him. These three men make their own journey to the manger, carrying what they have to give all the way there, so that they can agree with the shepherds and the angels and Mary and Joseph that God Is Come, Emmanuel.  God is With Us Now!

It is joy-making for me to know that deep in my heart, I am excited to celebrate that wonder with my kids through these next hours.  I will whisper to them, so that their hearts can hear it, that we are celebrating Jesus showing up.  We are giving gifts to remember the great gift given all those years ago.  We are gathering together to share what we have, to break bread and pour wine, because when two or three are gathered, the miracle happens again and Jesus says that's where he is too. We are celebrating Christmas in joy, together.

Christmas is my favourite.


Matthew 2: 1 - 12

2 After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem ² and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him.”
³ When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. ⁴ When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Christ was to be born. ⁵ “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written:

⁶ “‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
    are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
    who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.’”

⁷ Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. ⁸ He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and make a careful search for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”
⁹ After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. ¹⁰ When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. ¹¹ On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh. ¹² And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.

Advent 19

And he will be their peace.

I wish I knew a bit more about other religions on days like today. Because I find myself making assumptions based almost entirely on pretty biased information fed to me through my teen years, about what other religions say about who the creator might be.  One of those assumptions being that those other gods don't come with the offer of peace.

Certainly life doesn't.  America, it's own little religion, gets given the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, but never peace.  They're not lovers of peace, our cousins to the south.  Canadians used to think of themselves as peace-keepers but that's kind of old-fashioned thinking now, and anyway, peace-keeping should not be confused with peace-giving. Granted, I'm doing this in a hurry with only one cup of coffee on board, but off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone, or anything else that comes promising to Be Peace.

And this is on the list of reasons why it always comes back to Jesus for me.  This December as Christmas approaches, and always. A God that comes to be with us and to bring us peace.  I want to be in that boat, to steal a line from homegroup.

You?

Micah 5: 2 - 5

² “But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah,
    though you are small among the clans^[b] of Judah,
out of you will come for me
    one who will be ruler over Israel,
whose origins^[c] are from of old,
    from ancient times.^[d]”

³ Therefore Israel will be abandoned
    until the time when she who is in labor gives birth
and the rest of his brothers return
    to join the Israelites.

⁴ He will stand and shepherd his flock
    in the strength of the Lord,
    in the majesty of the name of the Lord his God.
And they will live securely, for then his greatness
    will reach to the ends of the earth.
⁵     And he will be their peace.

Advent 17 & 18

Advent enthusiasm is waning as Christmas Day anticipation winds itself up. I forgot that part, where there would be other influences reminding my children Every. Damned. Day. that Santa's Coming! Santa's Coming! I have decided that it would be un-charitable for me to shout "Shut the FUCK up!" at every aunt, uncle, teacher, random stranger who asks one of my kids what Santa's going to bring them, but I'm tempted. Sorely tempted.

A lingering cold and a few underslept nights have not helped, but I press on.  Because this is where there is Life and Light and as it gets darker and darker out there, I am going to keep life and light close.  Seems smart, you know?

So two days worth.

Luke 2: 15 - 20

¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Advent 16

Our Advent Activity today was celebrating my son. The day he was born was peaceful and the world was hushed by snow. His arrival was slow and sweet and I spent the next two days cozied up with him in the hospital while the world also slowed thanks to a storm not often seen in these parts. We walked home the next day, our first-born pulled on a sled with our bags and our newest slung against his father, sheltered by the jacket while the snow fell and fell and fell all around us.  It is such a blessing, this memory of his arrival and my heart is quieted every year on this day remembering it.

That boy is now four and ... and there aren't words for him. He is a kid that people just seem to love. Not merely like - people of all ages and spaces end up with crushes on this boy. I know I see through my Mom Eyes and we all know those eyes don't see clearly so I may have misunderstood how he lives in the world, but truly, he's That Guy. He just is.

He is funny and a story-teller and has a streak of kind with his sister that moves me. He is smart in a direction I don't have and understands how things work, complicated, hard-to-figure-out things.  He is handsome and wears pants well. He hugs like nobody's business and he says "I love you too Mom" every night at bedtime. He says thank-you at odd moments to all the right people.

He is light in this winter darkness and celebrating him is easy, every time.

Today when we read our Advent passage, we all noticed how yet again, the angels start with "Do not be afraid!" I love being able to underline that so much - God never talks to us in fear. Never. God's words to us are always, Don't Be Afraid.  This is a powerful word this week, isn't it? Don't be afraid.

In this case, the angels announce the good news, that a saviour has been born.  Surely the shepherds were thrilled.  But were they not a bit surprised to find out the Christ, the long-promised Messiah, would be found in the feed trough of a stable? That the very spot of his arrival in its un-kingly state would be the proof they needed that this was in fact The One?

I love this story so much! This is my God!

Luke 2: 8 - 14

⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ^[a] the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest,
    and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

Glory to God in the highest! Today and all days. Even the darkest nights. Glory to God!

Advent 15

So, I wrote down the wrong verses for today and I know they come again at the right time in a few days, so I'm leaving today blank on the Bible front.

On the activity front though, this.  Our mortgage broker hosted a Movie Morning at the local theatre, a showing of "The Polar Express" that included popcorn and drinks and treats and candy canes and Mrs. Claus and Santa Claus and elves.  So today's activity was Movies!

The movie is terrible. Terrifying and wholly unsuitable for small children. Possibly for all children. I'm hard-pressed to think of a good thing to say about it actually.

But the going? The treating? The giving? That part had me weepy in the theatre,as we waited for the lights to go down. Karen, our broker, could have sent a card. Had all the kids in the office sign it. If she'd been feeling oddly generous, she might have arranged a discount for customers or something.

But this Christmas, she spent considerable money and effort and created a memory moment for my family.  For any family she knew that wanted to take two hours out of this month of Busy and Too Much, she offered a dark theatre and a holiday tradition-in-the-making. I don't know why I took it so personally, but I did and felt like it was a gift thought up just for me.

As we sat in the almost-dark waiting for the lights to dim, The Light of the moment warmed me and I am so grateful.  So deeply grateful.

Amen.

Advent 14

Today.

Today 20 children were murdered in their classroom somewhere in Connecticut.

Today we were reminded that evil is not finished.

Today I find myself afraid that my God is useless, that my God is powerless and distinterested in five-year-olds.

Today I can make no excuses. I can make up no theology that allows for this, that explains why God can be God while broken young men murder children.

Today I crumble under the weight of the fear this world demands and wonder if I can ever allow myself to be carried by the hope my God offers again.

Today is dark.  So, so dark.

Luke 2: 6 - 7
⁶ While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, ⁷ and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Advent 13

We missed this day of activities, but we're good with it. Because we're just doing this life and making space to be together and look for light and be excited for what is ahead. The kids don't know what is missed, and can create all manner of anticipation on their own. And in the meantime, I get to rest in peace and remember the bits and pieces of The Story that brings that piece.

Joseph. Oh Joseph. So sidelined so often, but so central and so necessary.  He is the one who belongs to the House of David. He is the reason they return to Bethlehem and thereby allow the prophecy to be fulfilled. Remember friends, when you feel like you are surrounded by the Mary's and the Jesus's and you're just the lame loser following behind, remember that the Joseph's are the glue! the means! the way it all becomes possible.  It's good to be Joseph.

Luke 2: 1 - 5

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. ² (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³ And everyone went to his own town to register.
⁴ So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. ⁵ He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.

Advent 12

Christmas Tree Day!

It was underwhelming in many ways - we are on Day 3 of Kids At Home Sick with at least two more on the horizon thanks to the pernicious nature of The Virus. Happily, the virus that was passed on from pukers transmogrified itself into two very different versions of itself. Non-puking versions, so I'm thankful. But all this time at home in quiet convalescence has meant quieter everything else. Including a quieter Christmas Tree Day.

In the end, the boy went with his dad down to the grocery store.  No cutting down trees under the powerlines or in the front yard.  No family jaunt out to Langley or some other super-sustainable spot. Nope. Just a ride down the hill to the local purveyor of milk and bread and butter and trees.  Then home.

Now the trees settles itself outside and will be brought in on Friday night maybe. Maybe not. We'll ease into it, the way we've eased into all the rest of this Adventing and Christmasing and damn it, I think I'm going to like it.

I guess one thing about Mary's story of meeting the Saviour is that she got to ease into it too.  Three months with Elizabeth to get used to it all. Smart Mary.  Really smart.

Luke 1: 46 - 56

⁴⁶ And Mary said:

“My soul glorifies the Lord
⁴⁷     and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
⁴⁸ for he has been mindful
    of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
⁴⁹     for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
    holy is his name.
⁵⁰ His mercy extends to those who fear him,
    from generation to generation.
⁵¹ He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
    he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
⁵² He has brought down rulers from their thrones
    but has lifted up the humble.
⁵³ He has filled the hungry with good things
    but has sent the rich away empty.
⁵⁴ He has helped his servant Israel,
    remembering to be merciful
⁵⁵ to Abraham and his descendants forever,
    even as he said to our fathers.”

⁵⁶ Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and then returned home.

Advent 11

A quiet day on the Advent front. I have a girl down with fever and so there is lots of doing nothing in these parts the last day or two. I like it so much.  Our activity today was to sing "Silent Night" in the dark at bedtime. It might have been beautiful had that girl not decided to use her post-meds burst of energy to belt out said lullaby a-la-American-Idol-early-auditions.  Wow. That was something.

Actually, it was awesome. Awesome to be building a lot of sweet memories with these people of mine. They are sweet and peaceful memories (for me! to be clear, we have no idea what memories my children are amassing) this year, not frenzied and guilt-ridden. Lord knows how long it will last, but every day we get through on our way to Christmas that I find my heart at rest and thankful is a mercy and a grace and I am deeply thankful.

Just like Mary and Elizabeth. They were so thankful, weren't they?

Luke 1: 39 -45

³⁹ At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, ⁴⁰ where she entered Zechariah’s home and greeted Elizabeth. ⁴¹ When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. ⁴² In a loud voice she exclaimed: “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! ⁴³ But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? ⁴⁴ As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. ⁴⁵ Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!”

Advent 10

God With Us.

We got to the God with Us part today! Poor Joseph, who got so ignored yesterday, fearlessly marries the suspiciously knocked up girlfriend and then agrees to name the babe, Immanuel, God With Us which somehow ends with the kid being called Jesus.

Names matter and we are reminded tonight that we are of a people who name with thought and consideration. And God, our God, chose a name that would remind the babe and everyone who came to know him, God Has Come to Be With Us.  This truth is at the centre of my faith - it is the reason I stay in the boat with Sarah and the rest of the fools - the secretish hope that Jesus is in the boat too.

The other thing I love in the story and that we're reminding of in this particular passage, is how required each person is in this story.  This isn't a story about Mary. Or about the baby particularly.  This is yet another story where God does what God does, drawing each person into the story to remind them that they are known and required and noticed and central while at the very same moment reminding them that they are not at all the point.  The story always comes back to God With Us. But the story happens With Us.  It's so mysterious and awesome and wonderful.  Joseph matters. The shepherds will matter.  Those three kings will matter.

I matter.

But mostly? Mostly God matters. See? The Giver, not The Gift.

Matthew 1: 22 - 25

²² All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: ²³ “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”—which means, “God with us.”
²⁴ When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. ²⁵ But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

Advent 9: In Defense of Giving

Unless I turn into a REALLY clever writer in the next half-hour, poor Joseph is getting hijacked by a rant that has been brewing for a long time, but percolated to fullness this morning at church. Probably I should have been listening for the spirit, but the angry lady who lives in my head was louder.  Forgive us both.

But first the verses, just in case someone is really reading this for The Word(s) of Faith, and not my relentless self-interested drivel.

Matthew 1: 18 - 21

¹⁸ This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. ¹⁹ Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
²⁰ But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. ²¹ She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

I will say this: I love how every time an angel shows up in this story, the first words are always, "Don't be afraid!"  Always.  There is not meant to be fear here.  Just good news.  If the message you hear at Christmas makes you afraid - afraid you're doing it wrong, afraid you'll miss the good parts, afraid you might be on the wrong side of it all - that message isn't God's message. I don't know who's it is, but it isn't God's.  God says, every time, Don't. Be. Afraid.

So, how to tie this to gifts? It's a trick and perhaps not to be done, but good fuck am I tired of presents becoming either The Most Important Thing or The Most Awful Thing.  Either we're being asked to buy presents (new unwrapped toys only please) for the poor in our first world nation, or we're being told to give up buying gifts altogether and instead just buy chickens and cows for the nameless poor we've never met but for whom we should be feeling badly for the next few weeks. 

I am UP IN ARMS I tell you! Up. In. Arms.

Somehow we have forgotten what the point of it all is - it is not about the Gifts!! It is about the Giver! We give to each other to do our best imitation of the Great Giver, the First Giver, the Only Giver Who Gives Well. We do it to remember how hard it is to get it right, to remember how hard it is do it with a warm, generous heart, to remember how much pleasure there is when we do find a way to get it a little right and give warmly and generously. 

We give to our children so that they will learn how to receive.  We coach them to look for the love that the gift is given from - that's why all kids in all time have learned to say thank you for even the ugly hand-made sweater from whoever finds the time to knit one! Because we are being thankful that someone, SOMEONE!!! someone loves us enough to try to bring us delight. 

If we decide our children have enough stuff and instead ask them to give up receiving and instead be glad to give to the nameless poor a million miles away, we teach them not generosity, but pity.  We teach them that their own needs are silly and unimportant, compared to the REAL need  somewhere out there that they've not yet seen.  Does God ever do that? Does God ever say, "You, you well-off okay person who is sad and lonely - there is someone sadder and lonelier so I'll be giving my best stuff to them and probably you should stop your boohooing and give to them too."  Nope. God doesn't.  Not one time does Jesus say to someone who stopped him for help, "You? you've already got enough! I'm saving my miracles for someone who needs it more."  Not one time. 

Because it turns out we all need.  The reason why it is so hard for a rich person to get into the Kingdom of Heaven is because it is so hard for them to see that they need anything at all.  But in fact, as anyone who has ever not found what they were waiting for under the tree knows, we all want something.  We all need something.  And our need for whatever that thing is infinite and bottomless and the source of all pain. A need not to be filled in this life. A need Jesus sees in each of us.

So, I get it. That's kind of deep and not so helpful at Christmas:  your kid doesn't need anything.  They have more than enough toys. More than enough books and clothes and sports equipment.  But your kid does need to know that they are noticed. That they are known. That what feels important to them is seen and cared about by the people they are longing to be seen by.  

Now the trouble is that in our world, all the focus has landed on The Gift and I join in with all I have to say nope, that's not it.  My children will not receive The Best Gift Ever from me. Nor will they be overwhelmed by the Too Much I Can't Focus under a magically lit tree when they wake up in the morning.  But they will receive a few small things that we can afford that tell them that we've noticed them and care about the things they love and enjoy. We will point out the love that is behind each gift received from aunts and uncles and grandparents.  And we will celebrate the wonder of being worthy of all that love.

And through all of this Advent that brings us to that morning, I'll be saying over and over, Jesus is the Gift that we're really waiting for.  Every time.  No gift will be the right one the way Jesus is the Right One. But all this anticipation and excitement? That's meant to remind us of how we should feel about the gift God has given in the giving of His Only Begotten Son.  (This is a borrow from last year's epiphany here).  

So give your children gifts, small modest ones that are a joy to receive and that do not demand being a source of eternal fulfillment.  Help your children give what they have to give to the people they've been asked to love.

And then relax. Please, just relax. It's meant to be good news. Good News.

Advent 8

"How can I be sure of this?" doesn't sound that much different from "How will this be?"  And yet.  And yet they are apparently different enough that one lands poor Zechariah in time out and the other gets Mary a "Good girl, all will be well."  I guess that really it's Gabriel who appears to be the fickle one - to Zechariah he says, "I AM GABRIEL. I SAID SO."  Maybe he was predisposed to dislike the guy as opposed to Mary who was already highly favoured before Gabriel even shows up.  Regardless, I think I will practice my "How will this be?" instead of carrying on with my "How can I be sure?"

I like how a little bit of diligence and sticking it out always proves useful when hanging out with the Word.  I can't think of a time a little lingering hasn't brought some Peace and Rest back to where Unruly Despair was threatening to move in.

Jesus is coming and once I can become a "How will these be" person, I intend to then start practicing being a "May it be to me as you have said" person.

Oh Advent.  Loving this.


Luke 1: 26 - 38

²⁶ In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, ²⁷ to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. ²⁸ The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
²⁹ Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. ³⁰ But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. ³¹ You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. ³² He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, ³³ and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.”
³⁴ “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”
³⁵ The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called^[c] the Son of God. ³⁶ Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. ³⁷ For nothing is impossible with God.”
³⁸ “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.” Then the angel left her.

 

Advent 7

Well, it turns out that Zechariah doesn't believe the angel that tells him that his very, very old wife is going to have a baby.  Oddly, the kids were underwhelmed.

But I liked the part where John is sent ahead to prepare the way.  Because I like thinking about all this preparing. I like thinking about it because it's the part I get to keep for me and Jesus. Despite my ever-fragile-yet-intact faith, or maybe because of it, I like spending every day in December spending at least part of my day thinking about what it means for Jesus to show up instead of thinking about all the other parts of Christmas that are a bit less... lighty.

I don't have any other deep thought for today because I put my back out like the old lady I am and want to mostly feel sorry for me and maybe eat ice cream.

So yesterday and today's reading:

Luke 1: 11 - 25

¹¹ Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. ¹² When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. ¹³ But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. ¹⁴ He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, ¹⁵ for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from birth.^{[b] 16} Many of the people of Israel will he bring back to the Lord their God. ¹⁷ And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”
¹⁸ Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.”
¹⁹ The angel answered, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. ²⁰ And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time.”
²¹ Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and wondering why he stayed so long in the temple. ²² When he came out, he could not speak to them. They realized he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak.
²³ When his time of service was completed, he returned home. ²⁴ After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. ²⁵ “The Lord has done this for me,” she said. “In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.”

Advent 6

Fail.

Just didn't happen.  But my friend Sarah commented and wants to go to Alaska with me and my friend Karen commented and is more faith-full than most of my faithful friends and that feels like really good lovin' from the heavens so I'm going to rest in that this 6th day of preparing.

I will say this though: thinking of each day of this month, and all that each of those days as a day to prepare for Jesus showing up instead of thinking of it as a day to Get Ready For Christmas! in some kind of shopping-orgy, family-obligation, when-will-it-end kind of way is really nice.

Really nice.

Advent 5

Total cliffhanger this morning - T wanted to keep reading but I knew the rest of the story was tomorrow's reading so I made her live with the mystery.

Before I leave you hanging, I wanted to pass along that I am managing to weather Faith Crisis 2012 fairly well.  Mostly because at some point since my 19th birthday, I kind of decided I was at home aboard this ship of fools, and if we're all idiots, at least we're all idiots trying to figure out how to love a bit better and live like light people.  Isn't there something about the light being in the dark and the darkness doesn't understand it from a few days ago? My darkness doesn't understand the light sometimes, and it's totally possible it's a train and not Jesus afterall, but until I'm roadrunnered across the front of that train, I'm going to stick with the Jesus possibility and hope life is richer for it.  You know?

Also, Sarah is on the ship, and who doesn't want to be on a cruise with her?

So, back to the big adventure from the book of crazy we call The Word:

Luke 1: 5 - 10

⁵ In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. ⁶ Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commandments and regulations blamelessly. ⁷ But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well along in years.
⁸ Once when Zechariah’s division was on duty and he was serving as priest before God, ⁹ he was chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. ¹⁰ And when the time for the burning of incense came, all the assembled worshipers were praying outside.

See what I mean? Some homeschooler mom posted this list of verses I'm working from. I'm guessing she had an 8 year old boy desperate for some intrigue...

Advent 4

Advent may have taken a turn today. Probably just a temporary set back.

We read Jeremiah 33: 14 - 16.  I like Jeremiah a lot. I mean usually I really, really like it a lot.  But today I found myself pondering not the awesomeness of Jesus, but the hard-to-ignoreness of the part where he was kind of a let-down.  Isaiah and Jeremiah (and probably a few others) all mention this great Saviour coming and go on and on about how awesome he's going to be and how great it's going to be for Israel or Judah or Jerusalem and how his kingdom is going to go forever.

But it didn't.  It didn't even really start. And it's not really like it was ambiguous or a metaphor. The words say, "The government will be upon his shoulders" and "he will rule with righteousness and justice" or like today, "Jerusalem will live in safety".  Jerusalem isn't safe.  Hasn't been for years. I don't even think it was when Jesus lived, never mind when he died.

This afternoon, N. asked me to read from his kid bible, and we end up at the ascension, where Jesus says to his guys, the one he loves SO much: "Don't worry! Seriously. I'm going up to a heaven where I'm getting all the many, many rooms ready, and then I'll be RIGHT BACK!"

It's been about 2000 years.

I can't help but think somewhere in the cosmos, some version of the heavens is shaking its head and saying, "I can't believe they fell for it."

A major faith crisis is probably not really the ideal Advent outcome. I'm not really going to indulge it because I'm not-yet-but-almost-40 and who has time for that any more.  But I sure wish one my pastory, learned type friends would pass on something comforting about how it is that we've gone this long believing that Jesus is the Truth when it would appear to anyone doing a very basic reading of the text, that he was kind of a liar pants.

So, fingers crossed for something catchy and faith-assuring tomorrow. Until then, I leave you with Jeremiah.

Jeremiah 33: 14 -16

¹⁴ “‘The days are coming,’ declares the Lord, ‘when I will fulfill the good promise I made to the people of Israel and Judah.
¹⁵ “‘In those days and at that time
    I will make a righteous Branch sprout from David’s line;
    he will do what is just and right in the land.
¹⁶ In those days Judah will be saved
    and Jerusalem will live in safety.
This is the name by which it will be called:
    The Lord Our Righteous Savior.’

Advent 3

This day's Adventing was a bit complicated.  The passage itself was complicated, but my heart was complicated too.  We'd been at a holiday party the night before and it became a night that left me feeling Not Right this morning. I've had a hard time pinning down exactly what was Not Right about it all but at the end of it, I think I just felt... sinful.  Such a hard, not-used word in my life. But maybe accurate.

Mostly certainly there was no righteousness. Or at least very little of it. And as I read today's passage again tonight, it occurs to me that if there is no sin, no brokeness, then there's no need for Jesus. He wouldn't have had to show up if we were all getting it right, you know? And last night I didn't get it all right. And there was no fix for it, save confessing and repenting and leaning into Jesus with a contrite heart.  I would rather have been awesome last night, but I find myself gladdened to see that indeed all things do work for good and that even my mis-steps still step me closer to Jesus.

Today's passage is super long, so I'm only typing the first few verses but all of it was good, good, good. I am finding all this time in the Bible illuminating, maybe because I do it so rarely.  Regardless, it turns out that this little Bible of mine feels like home. Still.

Isaiah 11: 1 - 10

A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit. The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him - the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord - and he will delight in the fear of the Lord. (1 - 3)

Advent 2

More Advent! Our mornings this weekend have been opening our day's advent card, finding out what our activity will be (things already planned and must-dos that are now Advent-dos) and then reading the Bible verse.  I have realized that I have never read to my kids from a "real" Bible until now - we've only ever read children's bibles together.  So not only do we hear the Good News but my kids are finding out how the Bible is set up and what chapters and verses are... I feel a bit bad-mother-y for not having shown them a bit sooner.

Anyway, once we've found and read the verse, we get to hang up one of the decorations on Grandma Johnson's Advent Calendar and suddenly our morning has had Christmas anticipation, the Word and Family! So great.

And so, today's meditation:

Isaiah 9: 2 - 7

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.
You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as people rejoice when dividing the plunder.

For as in the day of Midian's defeat, you have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor.
Every warrior's boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire. 

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government shall be upon his shoulders.
And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end.
He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.

I could go on and on and on.  This passage made my heart glad.  Deep-down glad. I hope we all know what sweet relief and joy it is to be walking in darkness, in the shadow of death even, and to see, finally, a great light.  To see light dawning.  We do feel bigger, more of our own selves and our hearts rejoice, leap and dance with the goodness of it all.

That's what Jesus coming is! That light, the light that saved you, that light is Jesus showing up. Every time. Probably even if we think that light is the right medication or a restored friendship or a child becoming possible, probably that's all still Jesus.

And once Light comes, we get to burn all the stuff that got wrecked while we stumbled around in the dark.  I think I so often keep a few mementos of that journey, you know, just in case I need that outfit or those boots for later.  But this Light - This Light. This Light is everlasting and the promise is we can be done with all of the rest.  I don't know how to make sense of this when I think about how regularly I re-feel the darkness, but I like wondering about it.

And then I like remembering who arrives! A child.  A wonderful counselor - the source of all wisdom and True. Mighty God. Everlasting Father. Prince of Peace.  Peace.  A strong, always-around source of our rest. That's who we get. That's who we're waiting for all over again, and then receiving again.  That is who we celebrate.

Finally, these last verses are always to me, the part that explains everyone who can't bring themselves to love Jesus:  doesn't this say he will take over the whole government? doesn't this say his kingdom will be upheld forever? That day Jesus died and he wasn't in charge of anything and all the people who loved him were left empty-handed and not in power and not in charge and not kingdom-makers - that day, this felt like a lie.

Again, I don't really know how to explain that one. I'm quite certain super-smart scholarly types have really good books about it all. What I do know is the promise that living in Jesus' kingdom means living under justice and righteousness - that part is Good News to this heart.

Good News indeed.

Advent 1

Advent! December first is the first day of the season set aside for preparing for Jesus to arrive and the first day of holiday-people-management.  I so love the one and so fail at the other.  These two opposites collide and wiley Jesus does what he does with a paradox and meets me right in the middle of their debris.

And so, I will walk my heart and mind into the waiting for Jesus part and hopefully walk them out of the rest and so get to Christmas day full of celebration and thanksgiving instead of despair and hopelessness.  Light! Light is coming and so I'll keep my eyes open for the cracks and creases through which it is making its way and most surely, be better for it.

Care to join me?

John 1:15

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.  Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of humanity. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."

The light shines in the darkness.  That's what is on its way: a light that makes no sense to my darkness, to this world's darkness.

What wonder! What reason for praise!

Light I saw today: the generous giving to children at a Christmas party; a friend answering the phone to tell me I will get through the hilarity that is this time of year; my husband's dad having a second of sad doing one more thing without his wife, the woman who loved all of this.  Light is sneaking in. May I have eyes to see it.

Amen.