So Merry, So Lovely, So Done

Christmas Day with Daddy

I will confess to being a tiny bit... grinchy? about Christmas. Or more specifically, about the pressure of "Talia's First Christmas" and the feeling that every tradition we are ever going to include had to start this year.

However, by the weekend before Christmas, I was oddly over it and instead enjoying being in the midst of my favourite things. On Saturday night, Brian and Anna came up for drinks. Candles were lit and Christmas music was playing and I have no idea what we talked about but I know I had that quiet, "This is Christmas" feeling in my heart. They are those dreamy in-laws that you hear about but never truly believe exist - people you'd want to be friends with if you didn't have the good fortune to be related to them. So nice.

Scott was working Sunday, so that morning I went down to Melissa and Dave's to have brunch with them and the Haugland family. Karen was collecting baking items to take on their own traditional Cookie Drop on the Downtown Eastside and I managed to have something to donate this year. Dave had made Nutella and Banana French Toast and it was DEE-licious. But mostly it was nice to be with these long-time friends and watch all of our kids playing (someone pointed out that Talia is Josh's MiniMe, sharing the same coif as they do) and find it surprisingly rest-full - that rest that comes when you catch yourself not having to try at being I think.

That night around 9pm little hands were knocking on our door which we opened to discover young Chanida with a present for us from Uncle Terry. A quick visit with our Lambkin neighbours turned into rum and eggnog with Andy and again, it was another friend making us glad to have something to share for yet another taste of Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, Mark and Heidi came over with Lael for our traditional Christmas Eve Brunch, something we have done together most of the last 5 years. Multiplying our pleasure was the arrival of Terry and Chelsea with the very latest photos of Inutero Crawford looking awfully cute at 18 weeks. We managed to convince them to stay and eat and I will tell you that having some of my favourite people gathered around the table is the deepest gladness I know. By noon, they were all on their way but the Spirit of Christmas remained, reminding me why we like this tradition so much.

And then our new tradition began. Andrew, Talia and I loaded into the car (with enough gear to get us through to her second birthday I think) to catch the 3:30 ferry to Langdale. The Caldwell Family Christmas was being held at Hopkins, a Rolston cabin that we spent many a holiday in as we were growing up. Katie, Jared, Mum & Dad had already been there for a day and had decked the halls with boughs of cedar and berries and jingle bells. It was like a storybook for me I think, but I couldn't tell you why exactly. Just what I needed though.

For the next three days, we ate good food and drank Caesars and told stories and opened stockings and watched A Muppet's Christmas Carol and walked on the beach and lost the dog and just enjoyed being family together. Scott was working both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day nights, and I missed him a lot more than I had intended. Happily, he was able to spend most of Christmas Day and all of Boxing Day night with us and had a taste of the wonder.

Talia celebrated Christmas by crawling on hands and knees for the first time. She had a very appreciative audience but does seem to prefer dragging herself forward on her belly for the time being.

At almost 7 months, I must tell you that she remains a delight. She is very mobile on her belly but vastly prefers being upright, holding on to something. She is still figuring out how to get herself standing and Scott and I will probably regret encouraging her to do so, but it is so fun to watch her puzzling it out. I am sure she is just weeks away from being able to pull herself around the living room and we will have to remove the many, many hazards we have collected over the years.

She laughs a lot, but I'm often not clear on what it is that is cracking her up. She has also started singing. I'm not sure what else to call it - long 'aahhs' changing pitch all the time. We often will do duets and she will happily sing to almost any tune. She is keen on books and stories and still loves the wooden ring toy from Uncle Brian. She is starting to find peek-a-boo amusing which also means that she finds it less amusing to be left alone. I console myself knowing this is a short phase but wonder when I will stop saying "Mummy's right here" every time I pee...

I think that is all I have to type about Christmas. 2008 looms, full of new things I know! What joy...

Auntie Katie's Here!

And Uncle Jared too! they arrived today and got greeted by T. Her very first airport trip I think, and I'm sure it was all she had dreamed it would be. We went out for lunch to the Flying Beaver and she sat in a highchair and ate her banana and rice cakes that I had carefully packed in ziplock bags, along with her bib and a washcloth.

And it hit me: Holy shit. We have a baby.

Every once in a while it just sneaks up on me, you know?

The Good, the Bad & the Broccoli

Adventures in baby food continue. Broccoli on Thursday night and roasted sweet potato on Saturday night and rice with pear and a banana tonight. We went back to plain because while Sweet T did indeed LOOoove the broccoli and the sweet potatoes, both nights after she ate them, she slept really poorly, waking at 10ish quite inconsolable and quite unlike herself. I do not know for certain of course, whether or not the foods and the sleep are connected, but I think we will back off nonetheless.

I am also confused about how much she should be eating, and how often and feel like this is just one new area of parenting that I am fucking up. Friday, I half-heartedly tried giving her some rice cereal and some banana after the broccoli fiasco but she didn't eat it and I didn't try later cause I was busy doing something else like watching TV or something. The tonight she ate TONS and I hadn't offered anything all day... again, a combination of lazy and afraid after last night.

Oh well, we'll just keep on keeping on and see what happens. But she does love that broccoli...

God Bless Us, Everyone!

I went to write a Christmas letter but no matter how I approach it, it seems obnoxious. So I will just admit that mostly I want to send photos of Talia from this year, and also tell our friends that 2007 was such a great year and we’re just really, really thankful for it.

We’re thankful for our daughter. We could go on and on about this, but we won’t. If you want details, we’re glad to send them, but mostly she’s funny and cute and charming and healthy and what’s not to love about that?

We’re thankful for our friends.

We’re thankful for Pete & Kathy’s hospitality and friendship and generosity with us. We had a great time in Hawaii with them again this year, as well as a fun visit in Bellevue after Talia was born this summer. This winter, we are burning wood that was split in the backyard by Scott and Pete while Kathy and I went shopping for cribs. Evidence of their care for us is everywhere.

We’re thankful for Terry & Chelsea moving back to the ‘hood after many (too many) years away. We look forward to watching them do family nearby in the coming year, and are extra glad to have a nurse on hand for the medical questions and a cop on hand for back-up discipline!

We’re thankful for Mark & Heidi & Wade & Lael and our laughs and dinners with them. They have been great friends over these last years, due in part to Mark & Scott's shared love of Scotch and Alison & Heidi's great patience with them.

We’re thankful for the Purcells – our visits with them are so GREAT! and having Brynne participate in Talia’s birth and particularly pray for us in those first moments of being a family… what delight for all of us.

We’re thankful for Jan & Kate & Halia – they spent 4 months in Vancouver this summer and having Kate back was especially perfect for me. Sharing the last months of pregnancy and the first months of motherhood with an old friend is oddly wonderful and was an unexpected goodness.

And we’re thankful for Amy & Melissa and Karen. Our foursome still meets to eat and drink together several times through the year and it is lovely to see each grow into families. Now as Karen & Ross & Alex and Josh fight Josh’s cancer, we join them as best we know how with emails and lasagnas and prayers for healing.

We're thankful for our family photographer, Brooke. She is too, too skilled and has kept good track of our family so far (see here & here, scrolling down; also, the family photos on this page are her work!). That she is a good friend is a treat too. And our other Make-A-Wish friend Mandy - well, she has kept our T. dressed since birth by sharing her own daughters' clothes and she keeps me sane with emails through the week. So nice.

We’re thankful for our neighbourhood – 14^th Street is probably the best place to live in North Vancouver. Andy, Jolie, Chanida & Samuel are next door and everyday I am amazed to find them there again! We share milk and coffee beans and gardening tips and lawnmowers. We also get to watch God at work in their community of faith, and have a witness to God at work in our own. Right next door! So great…

We’re thankful for our fellowship of faith: our homegroup continues to be a great circle of friends. Scott, Margaret, Dave, Yvonne, Stuart, Adrienne, Kelly, James – we continue to wrestle God-life with them and are amazed all the time at the richness of a life of faith together. We have recently been joined by Mike, Jenny, Rob, Tamara, Dave and Paula and feel all the richer for it.

We’re thankful for our family. This year there were losses in our extended family: Uncle Murray died in June, Scott’s great-aunt Thelma died this fall and my great-uncle Colin just died in November. It is good to have the larger story of our lives retold through our re-gathering to celebrate their lives. It was particularly lovely for me to watch my cousins Kelly and Mike love their dad so well through the last days of his illness – they are living proof of our great heritage of care and compassion.

We are thankful for Shannon and Shiaheem both. Shannon remains my other sister and has enjoyed outrageous success in her work at UrbanPromise and is grossly underpaid :) . We had a great visit in April when I met up with her and Katie and we spent a weekend eating and drinking our way through Philadelphia. Shannon is a great hostess and is still family to me in all the best ways. In the meantime, Shiaheem is working his way into adulthood and took several major leaps forward on December 6th when his daughter Saniyah was born. He and Ayeesha are doing well by all accounts and in talking to him, I know he is taking fatherhood really seriously. It is a bit unexpected to be sharing new parenting with him, but it is the unexpected part that makes life so lovely I think.

We are thankful to have been able to celebrate Morris & Joanne’s 50^th Wedding Anniversary with them in August. They are wonderful models of teamwork and adventure in marriage, having just built their 6^th home together this year. Barb, Kenny, David & Caitlynn do lots of what makes them happy – driving for David, horseback riding for Caitlynn and Disneyland this year for all four of them. Brian & Anna remain great friends and cheerleaders, sharing their wisdom, coffee and dinners with us as often as we take advantage and their sons Matt, Dylan & Gavin are funny, clever, good-looking types we enjoy having around.

This year has been the year of new-grandparenting for Alex and Denise and so far they excel. They delight in Talia in the truest sense of the word and it is so wonderful to share her with them. They take good care of Scott & me too, and we seem to be turning into a Sunday Night Dinner kind of family – so nice! Katie and Jared came west to meet Talia in June and will be back again this Christmas to see what a difference 6 months makes. Katie is the best kind of sister, laughing at jokes and crying at the sad and sharing as much of her life with us as she can so many miles away. Andrew though, is only a few stairs away, living downstairs in the house we own together. He is proving to be an awesome uncle and shows up for “T Time” often. Talia’s first-grand-daughter/first-niece-ness is bringing out the best in the Caldwell family and we are thankful for that too.

This is a long list already and it hardly feels long enough. If you are reading this, know we are thankful for you. Thankful for each person who brings a taste of goodness to our world and reminds us that God is good and provides good things.

As you think through your own 2007, may you too be surprised by how many good things you come across.

With our hopes for more still in 2008,

Scott, Alison & Talia

For Kate: What Baby-Led Weaning Looks Like

I was just reading Kate's blog and saw that she has been reading up on Baby-Led Weaning! So clever, so smart. We are trying that in our home too, along with a bit of mush - like most parenting choices, I am just mashing together other people's ideas that fit with my own philosophy and laziness. So I like not having to puree every meal we eat, I like not having to buy jars and jars of food, and I like good manners. Ergo, my daughter will eat un-mashed foods herself and I will give her some food to eat off a spoon. Maybe I'll end up with a child who will eat anything using impeccable table manners or maybe I'll end up with a child who gags on everything and can't be taken out in public while eating. I'll let you know.

If we had to judge based on current attempts, I'd lean towards the latter - here is what yesterday afternoon's meal looked like:


If you open the photo and zoom in on her pants, you'll see banana mashed into her crotch - I understand those pelican bibs are the answer to this particular dilemma. Said banana (and mango) is up to her elbows and can be found in the deepest recesses of her nasal passages. Also, behind her ears. But she ate it, and with pleasure, so we're calling it a win.

So far, in addition to disgusting rice mush (which she likes), she has tried sweet potatoes, carrot (steamed and raw), avocado, applesauce, banana, mango, cantaloupe, pureed pears, and yesterday some yellow pepper. She is least kean on the cooked carrots and sweet potatoes. Oh, and she did gnaw on a french fry offered to her on the ferry by her grandfather.

I would say overall, I like it. I do still offer rice on a spoon, usually mixed with fruit. However, I don't put it in her mouth anymore. I hold it about 4 inches in front of her mouth and then she pulls the spoon into her mouth to gum on it. This is much messier, but since the alternative is chasing her mouth while she bobs and weaves like Mohammed Ali, we're sticking with it. I don't know how much food she gets either, but we're believing that this phase of eating is mostly for pleasure so I'm not worrying too much about it.

Now, there is this teency, tine-cy downside. You know, the part where they suddenly stop eating, throw their mouth open sound-lessly and turn very red? I think it's called choking? Good news - the first-aid Scott taught us works. Oddly, she really enjoyed yellow pepper but darned if one of her larger bites didn't slide right down her throat. Once it was dislodged, she went back to chatting as per usual and was glad to eat more banana - Mummy was done with yellow pepper for the day.

The choking and the mess combine to make it a less than an ideal choice for grandmothers and aunts. My mom tries to act cool but I can tell it's killing her. Not the concept - I think she actually kind of likes the concept. It's the sticky fingers. And ears, and elbows and really, anything within an 18-inch diameter of the ground zero that is Talia with food in her hands.

I'll look forward to hearing how it goes for you friend! Do send photos!

A.

Blessed are the Magic Makers

The card read "Dear Talia, Happy first Dutch Christmas! Love, Sinter Claus." The parcel was a cellophane wonder tied with red twine. It was sitting on our front porch waiting to be discovered VERY early this morning. Scott brought it in to me - he was on his way to work and I was enjoying a few last minutes of rest when he bounded in. Literally bounded. He was so delighted! The Spirit of Christmas had truly come down in our midst, a miracle on its own.

Sadly, he had to take his delight with him to the firehall. I think though, that he wanted us to open the present! Otherwise it would have stayed hidden, right? After breakfast, Talia opened her very first gift ever. Enjoy. (Sorry about the sideways-ness - I don't know how to flip the image in any of my editing software.)

The gift itself is so lovely. It's handmade and perfect. It whispers, "This niece is loved." She has been playing with it all morning so it also passes the 'will be used' test.

But the gift is secondary to the giving for us. Because more than a new toy was given this morning. This morning we received the gift of magic in our home. We received a new family tradition. We received the Spirit of Christmas. We received love from family in a way that felt like love from family. We received wonder, and a hint of the magic that is God with Us.

I have heard many debates, especially in our little Christian circles about the rights and wrongs of including Santa Claus in Christmas. For me, and for our house I think, Santa Claus (or Sinter Clause as the case may be) will be the truest part of magic and make-believe. What else is this season for, beyond hoping when hope might make us foolish and believing in the face of doubt?

On this, our first Dutch Christmas, we are thankful for the Magic Makers who started us out right. All of our love to them, wherever they are.

Why Karen Rocks

One thing that is really smart is to surround yourself with people who are better than you are. You get to be improved just by hanging around them. For free. It's a brilliant plan, and I will say that I have made a lifestyle out of it. I think it's safe to say that almost all of my friends, and certainly most of my family are better than me.

One person in particular is Karen. Proof? She was at my entire wedding being helpful and sober and not insulting the photographer. I was at her wedding and can not say any of the above. Karen is the friend I phoned when I didn't really know how to wash a floor in grade 12. She lets me pretend that I am helping her when she recovers my dining room chairs and an ottoman. She married the kind of guy that everyone likes which was perfect since she is the kind of gal everyone likes. She hosts dinner parties and drinks wine and she even scrapbooks and I just plain like her.

In June, we got an email from Ross. An "oh shit" email. Within a few days of the first oh shit email came the holy fuck email that said that their youngest son Josh had cancer. Every few weeks, we get new emails with new updates on how Josh is doing. He's had 6 rounds of chemo and just last week had surgery to remove the tumor in his belly. This photo was taken a couple of days after surgery, when the Canucks visited Children's Hospital. That's Matt Cook and maybe Sami Salo behind him. Josh was hoping for bigger names maybe?


But being brave while her beloved son fights cancer isn't why Karen rocks. Although she and Ross are really brave.

Karen rocks because she takes such good care of me. Admit it, you saw this coming. You know that these things are always about me.

This last weekend, something went awry with my sweet daughter. She of the long, night sleeping was suddenly no longer of the long night sleeps. She was waking up at midnight and at 2 and at 4 or maybe at 6. She was waking up and staying awake. For hours. It was not brining out the best in me. Our low point hit on Friday night (I think - they all blur together). Scott was working. Talia woke for the third time sometime before 5. She ate. She did not fall back asleep. She cried instead. I left her in her crib and she cried harder. I leaned over her crib and patted her and tried to lull her back to sleep. I hissed ugly curse words and told her she was ruining my life. Still she cried. Finally, I yanked her from her crib and walked her back to my room, whispering in her ear, "Mummy is so angry she could spit. Mummy wants you to shut up. JUST SHUT UP." I threw her in my bed. Literally. Forty-five minutes later, Talia was still crying and I did the thing you absolutely can not do if you don't want to raise a criminal - I gave her the boob to shut her up. I wept and wept and she ate and ate and finally fell asleep for another hour. These are not the glowing mothering moments found in Chicken Soup for the Fugitive's Soul.

I don't remember who called whom. I just know mid-morning on Saturday, I was choking out my tale of woe to sweet Karen. I just know that Karen is a person I can tell the truth to. I know that she knows the lows of parenting but also knows the highs. I know she's probably got a story that will meet or beat my own and I know for sure that she'll see the good even in the bad.

Indeed, she spoke words of comfort. She assured me I probably hadn't harmed Talia. She didn't say so but she implied that Talia probably wouldn't turn to a life of crime because of my breastfeeding cave in. She told me how she and Ross handled their own babies. And she told me it was hard. So hard.

And then she called me the next day. Just to see how the next night had gone. Talia had only woken up once and had been lovely all day. Karen rejoiced with me and then hung up to make French Toast with Alex.

That's why she rocks. It is an amazing gift to have your own life be hard and still make room for the lives around you to be hard too. To still be able to give grace and hope to those around you when you might be tempted to keep what grace and hope you have to yourself. She is the woman who had only 10 pennies left but still gave some away because she believed herself to be blessed.

That's why Karen rocks.

It's All Gone Now

Today it rained and rained and rained, so all the snow is gone. But yesterday and the day before that it snowed and snowed and snowed. We hibernated inside the first day but the second day we ventured out of doors for Talia's first snow.

We were going to go up to Beans for coffee. It's about 4 blocks north. 3 blocks west. Let's call that a fifteen minute walk. However, one must multiply the 15 minutes by the windchill factor and the snow coming down when deciding how far a distance it truly is. By the end of our block, I had decided that it was too far. Scott however, was sure it was just right. I will not go over the details of the conversation but suffice it to say that I Birthed Her always trumps You're Raising a Pansy, and we only went as far as Starbucks. Who was right? I'll let you be the judge. This photo was taken 4 houses down.