Lent 36

There are a few homegroup-isms in my life: "I'm in your boat [or not]", "that's crap theology", and then "that wiley Jesus".  We also talk a lot of about the many, many paradoxes that we must find a way to live with in this life of faith. So it's kind of nice or right or something, that my Lenten journey has turned out to be a real wrestle with one of the basics: being broken and whole, all at the same time.

As I look back at the last 5 weeks, I see a walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Not that I nearly died, but that I had to look at all the bits and pieces of this black heart that could kill me. It is not something we do a lot in my circle, to sit and be shown our sin and have to agree that it deserves death. We of the always-loved generation forget the part maybe, where we're not so awesome. Or maybe that's just me. I think maybe, when it's seen from the outside, it gets confused with being depressed, or having a negative self-image or poor self-esteem. But for me, walking through that valley and being shown the sin was difficult yes, but necessary and the path to righteousness.

Because if I can't see the sin and the broken, how can I accept the grace and the mercy? I don't need it if I'm all fixed up now, right? But I do need it, more and more, all the time. And after walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I am brought to green pastures and a place to rest and I can say, surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.

So I'm made whole. Except of course, I'm still broken.

This article said it better than I did, and if you get a chance, do read it: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/every-christians-paradox

And then as we walk the final steps to the cross, we can do it knowing truly our sinful-self that needs death and then knowing in that very same moment, how grateful our black hearts are for resurrection.

Psalm 119:169-176

New International Version (NIV)

ת Taw

¹⁶⁹ May my cry come before you, Lord;
    give me understanding according to your word.
¹⁷⁰ May my supplication come before you;
    deliver me according to your promise.
¹⁷¹ May my lips overflow with praise,
    for you teach me your decrees.
¹⁷² May my tongue sing of your word,
    for all your commands are righteous.
¹⁷³ May your hand be ready to help me,
    for I have chosen your precepts.
¹⁷⁴ I long for your salvation, Lord,
    and your law gives me delight.
¹⁷⁵ Let me live that I may praise you,
    and may your laws sustain me.
¹⁷⁶ I have strayed like a lost sheep.
    Seek your servant,
    for I have not forgotten your commands.