I am still kind of stuck on the part where I don't know exactly how to read the Bible and know what parts are meant to be for Right Now and what parts were just meant for Back Then. It is a conundrum for certain, and of course, the reason why Christians end up fighting so much, right? Pretending to know. Wanting to be right more than wanting to be righteous. Lord, remember the Hell Fight?
Remarkably though, despite, or maybe because of all the confusion and not-sureness, my heart still finds comfort and true in The Word. Her mercies are new every morning, praise be.
Hilariously, it is Paul who writes what my heart needs to remember this morning: no matter how deeply I want to do good, there is in me still a capacity to do harm, to sin. And that wrestle between the two appears to be permanent.
This morning as I loaded the dishwasher, I could not stop thinking about how much I couldn't get to Real Love for God and was probably just pretending at it and worshipping an idol of my own making instead. My own cleverness, my own smartness (ha!), my own words. Probably just the act of posting them in public instead of keeping them private is sin - this blog is probably the worse kind of idol. Fuck.
I truly do not know, and may indeed be so deep in sin that I can't see straight. Hard to say.
But in my innermost place, in the part where I hang out the most, my heart wants to love God. My whole heart wants to pray and live in this morning's Psalms. The Lord reigns! God is bigger than my sin, bigger than this my evil blog-land, bigger than the dark parts of this heart. Let the things I build tremble and shake - they will melt like mountains before God! God has answered God's people over and over and is a forgiving God, though still God will punish my misdeeds. I will exalt the Lord my God and worship for the Lord our God is holy!
That's what my heart wants.
Psalm 99
1 The Lord reigns,
let the nations tremble;
he sits enthroned between the cherubim,
let the earth shake.
2 Great is the Lord in Zion;
he is exalted over all the nations.
3 Let them praise your great and awesome name—
he is holy.
let the nations tremble;
he sits enthroned between the cherubim,
let the earth shake.
2 Great is the Lord in Zion;
he is exalted over all the nations.
3 Let them praise your great and awesome name—
he is holy.
4 The King is mighty, he loves justice—
you have established equity;
in Jacob you have done
what is just and right.
5 Exalt the Lord our God
and worship at his footstool;
he is holy.
you have established equity;
in Jacob you have done
what is just and right.
5 Exalt the Lord our God
and worship at his footstool;
he is holy.
6 Moses and Aaron were among his priests,
Samuel was among those who called on his name;
they called on the Lord
and he answered them.
7 He spoke to them from the pillar of cloud;
they kept his statutes and the decrees he gave them.
Samuel was among those who called on his name;
they called on the Lord
and he answered them.
7 He spoke to them from the pillar of cloud;
they kept his statutes and the decrees he gave them.
8 Lord our God,
you answered them;
you were to Israel a forgiving God,
though you punished their misdeeds.[a]
9 Exalt the Lord our God
and worship at his holy mountain,
for the Lord our God is holy.
you answered them;
you were to Israel a forgiving God,
though you punished their misdeeds.[a]
9 Exalt the Lord our God
and worship at his holy mountain,
for the Lord our God is holy.
No comments:
Post a Comment