Lent 19

I am really sad tonight. I spent time with a friend today, half of a marriage that I love a lot and have benefitted from over many years. A marriage that is broken up into all kinds of tiny pieces. A marriage that will not ever be as it was, praise be. But a marriage that may not be in any other way either. Fuck me.

I am sad, because two friends are hurting. It is hard to watch.

But I'll be honest. I am sadder because it wrecks so much of what I believe is true and leaves me a bit adrift and unsure about what even is True in the first place.

My friends are in their own crisis and must of course figure things out for their own selves. But they don't know. They don't know about where their web reaches, about what bits and pieces in the world around them are held together by some of their silks and strings and fancy things. They don't know that when their web fails, other parts of the world, parts they can't even see, other parts fall apart too.

And today, part of me fell apart. The part of me that trusts that saying I Will matters.  The part of me that hopes that failures aren't everything, and that our best matters more than our terrible. The part of me that wishes that the harm we do just fades away while the good we do grows and grows and is our legacy. Maybe none of that is True after all.  And if it's not, well, what then??

Oh, my heart is so broken. I weep.  And they don't know.

But God knows. Tonight I will believe that God knows. And I will let my heart pray as loud and as truly as I can that the Lord reigns.  "The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved."

Psalm 96

¹ Sing to the Lord a new song;
    sing to the Lord, all the earth.
² Sing to the Lord, praise his name;
    proclaim his salvation day after day.
³ Declare his glory among the nations,
    his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

⁴ For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
    he is to be feared above all gods.
⁵ For all the gods of the nations are idols,
    but the Lord made the heavens.
⁶ Splendor and majesty are before him;
    strength and glory are in his sanctuary.

⁷ Ascribe to the Lord, all you families of nations,
    ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.
⁸ Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name;
    bring an offering and come into his courts.
⁹ Worship the Lord in the splendor of his^[a] holiness;
    tremble before him, all the earth.
¹⁰ Say among the nations, “The Lord reigns.”
    The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved;
    he will judge the peoples with equity.

¹¹ Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
    let the sea resound, and all that is in it.
¹² Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them;
    let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.
¹³ Let all creation rejoice before the Lord, for he comes,
    he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
    and the peoples in his faithfulness.