Lent 45

Dark. So, so dark.

Jesus has been up all night, anticipating the suffering that is to come, knowing exactly what is in the cup he must drink. He knows how his kingdom must come so that things can be on earth as they are in heaven: the Maker of All Things must let those jackasses believe they've won, believe they can keep their privilege and power safe, believe that power and strength look like Violence and Terror-making.

But our God knows that Power and Strength look like suffering, lowness, being thought less of than robbers and murderers, being mocked and scorned, and submitting to death, even death on a cross. Loving each other, even to death - that's what power looks like.

I like Good Friday, for the deep darkness of even Jesus wondering if God has forsaken him, wondering if God had finally failed to Be With Us. Because that suffering - the exquisite pain of believing that we have been forgotten and matter not at all to not a one - that suffering even Jesus knew.

In the words of one of my old bosses, It's Friday, but Sunday's coming.


Briefly, about this passage. It breaks my heart every time I read it. I imagine heart-broken, half-way crazy Abraham who had believed that this son had been provided by God now trying to make himself believe that God would make this sacrifice possible. Dragging his elderly self and his perfect, too-loved son up a mountain and daring God to keep on being faithful - God had promised that this son would come, had promised Abraham's children would outnumber the stars - somehow this request and God's promises must both be true, so make it be so God.  And at the very last minute, God makes it so. But not without leaving it imprinted on our hearts how expensive the sacrifice of a son will be, how much it will cost.

Genesis 22:1-14

New International Version (NIV)

Abraham Tested

22 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied.
² Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”
³ Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. ⁴ On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. ⁵ He said to his servants, “Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.”
⁶ Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, ⁷ Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”
“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.
“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”
⁸ Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.
⁹ When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. ¹⁰ Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. ¹¹ But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
¹² “Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”
¹³ Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram^[a] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. ¹⁴ So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”

Lent 44

Thursday.  Jesus and his disciples get together for the Passover feast. He teaches them how to commune with him, breaking breaking and sharing wine and remembering what God With Us was like, and re-living it over and over until We are With God again. He washes their feet, teaching them what God's love looks like, kneeled down, in the dirt, so that we will know how to love each other and recognize God's love in all those down-low, dirty places God's love lurks.

A friend I know had to clean up her mother's vomit this week. And probably worse. That was Jesus-loving. Deeply painful, more than she could afford, in every way. But that's what Jesus' love looks like.

Thursday is the day Jesus prays and prays for his own self, for his best friends, and even for us. And his prayer over and over again is Keep us together.  Jesus doesn't want to get unwrapped-up from the Father, from his friends, or from any of us who let ourselves get wrapped up with him. Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory,the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. (John 12, v. 24)

If Jesus asks the Father to keep me with him, and him with me... well, if that prayer isn't answered, then what hope do we have?

So here is me believing that the Father heard his prayer and is keeping me with him and him with me, and all of us who are with him wrapped up in each other, for God's glory, over and over and over again.

Tonight, in the darkest hours, Jesus will be betrayed, handed over to those who need him dead. And the rest of us will keep vigil, remembering the promise, not just to us, but to Jesus:  Kept together. God with us.

John 17

New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Prays to Be Glorified

17 After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed:

“Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. ² For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. ³ Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. ⁴ I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do. ⁵ And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.

Jesus Prays for His Disciples

⁶ “I have revealed you^[a] to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. ⁷ Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. ⁸ For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me. ⁹ I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours. ¹⁰ All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. ¹¹ I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of^[b] your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one. ¹² While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by^[c] that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.
¹³ “I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. ¹⁴ I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. ¹⁵ My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. ¹⁶ They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. ¹⁷ Sanctify them by^[d] the truth; your word is truth. ¹⁸ As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. ¹⁹ For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

Jesus Prays for All Believers

²⁰ “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, ²¹ that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. ²² I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— ²³ I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
²⁴ “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.
²⁵ “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. ²⁶ I have made you^[e] known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

Lent 43

I wonder if Paul and Jesus are friends up in Heaven. Or do they just kind of nod when they pass in the halls of the mansion with many rooms? 

"Jesus."

"Paul."

Probably they don't mutter mean things under their breath about each because they're in heaven. And Jesus is you know, Jesus.  But still... friends?

The contrast between today's gospel and epistle readings is unusually stark. Most days, I've noticed a theme or at least similar tone between all four readings. Not so much today.

Philippians 4: 1 -13 is almost giddy, Paul in a bit of a manic phase. But most of my favourite stuff too: Rejoice! Don't be anxious! Pray instead. And then spend your brain on things that are good and right and true and noble and praise-worthy - anything at all worth saying Thank You! for - think on these things!

But today for Jesus is just a sad, sad, day. The last day before the first day of the last, last days. So what do you expect me to do - call God and say "I can't do it"? No! This is exactly why I came here in the first place! I'm going to die. And then he left and hid away from them all. Because good grief, who could stand to keep explaining over and over to the many who just didn't want to understand what could barely be understood by the very One who was going to have to endure it?

The contrast between these two passages is difficult for this heart tonight. I can't take Jesus' suffering lightly, and I think were I him on the eve of the eve of crucifiction, had someone said to me, Don't be anxious! Pray, and think about nice things! I might have done them grievous harm. I appreciate that Paul isn't actually saying these things to Jesus or suggesting anyone should have. And yet, there they are, these two passages, right next to each other. Asking us to remember I guess that there is deep suffering in this life, suffering with which Jesus is well-acquainted. And then there  is peace. A peace that passes all understanding. Both those things are True for we, the people of faith. Somehow, one requires the other to in fact, be True.

John 12:27-36

New International Version (NIV)

²⁷ “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. ²⁸ Father, glorify your name!”
Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.” ²⁹ The crowd that was there and heard it said it had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him.
³⁰ Jesus said, “This voice was for your benefit, not mine. ³¹ Now is the time for judgment on this world; now the prince of this world will be driven out. ³² And I, when I am lifted up^[a] from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” ³³ He said this to show the kind of death he was going to die.
³⁴ The crowd spoke up, “We have heard from the Law that the Messiah will remain forever, so how can you say, ‘The Son of Man must be lifted up’? Who is this ‘Son of Man’?”
³⁵ Then Jesus told them, “You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going. ³⁶ Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light.” When he had finished speaking, Jesus left and hid himself from them.

Philippians 4:1-9

4 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!

² I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. ³ Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Lent 42

I tried writing this first thing this morning, and had too many people needing too much of me to be thoughtful or even coherant. Then the day happened and now it's 10:16. I've been helping on the reno tonight, and I use the term "helping" very, very loosely. But I contributed and that was better than not contributing as per usual.

Despite being useful, I have not yet managed to get to thoughtful, so perhaps someone else will be tonight and have something to add. I think Jesus spent Tuesday recovering from Monday. Probably he didn't swear today.

One thing he did do was say that part where anyone who loves their life will lose it.  So there's that.

John 12:20-26

New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Predicts His Death

²⁰ Now there were some Greeks among those who went up to worship at the festival. ²¹ They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, with a request. “Sir,” they said, “we would like to see Jesus.” ²² Philip went to tell Andrew; Andrew and Philip in turn told Jesus.
²³ Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. ²⁴ Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. ²⁵ Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. ²⁶ Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

Lent 41

This is a big day in Matthew. Who knew the Monday after Palm Sunday is when the entire gospel is preached by Jesus. Like all the red letters get written on this day in the Easter walk.

I like it, because it starts with Jesus, tired and still mad about all that hoopla in the Temple the day before, knowing deep in his heart that this is the beginning of The End (before the new beginning), and maybe a lot sad and afraid even - that guy, heads back into town on the Monday and walks past a tree that he wishes had figs for him to eat. And when it doesn't, he curses it. Fuck you tree. May you never bear fruit again. His sad was coming out as mad, and that can be bad. Even for Jesus.

But of course, because he's Jesus so he can turn it into a nice parable for his friends.  Mostly though, it's hard not to think he just had to take it all out on something.

Read Matthew 21 - 25 for all of the rest of the goodness that Jesus preaches, confounding all the religious smarty-pants and passing along all the last minute stuff he hadn't got to with the disciples in the previous 3 years. Many are invited, few are chosen, render to Caesar what is Caesars, Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and Love your neighbour as yourself.  All of Jesus' greatest hits are in there.

I want to say at this point, that many of the bits and pieces I'll be pointing out this week were ably pointed out to me at church on Sunday by Mike Nichols and he should be referenced here to avoid any appearance of Jesus-y plagiarism.

And so it is in light of all of today's red letters, that I find myself extra-liking the verses in Philippians, and extra-extra-liking this: "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection from the dead. (Phil 3: 10 & 11)"

I think it's my favourite bit of Paul's writing, ever.  Once, there was time when even Paul didn't know how it would work, but darn if it wasn't just dying to know Jesus better so that somehow he (and me) could find a way to live.

Philippians 3:1-14

New International Version (NIV)

No Confidence in the Flesh

3 Further, my brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you. ² Watch out for those dogs, those evildoers, those mutilators of the flesh. ³ For it is we who are the circumcision, we who serve God by his Spirit, who boast in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh— ⁴ though I myself have reasons for such confidence.

If someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: ⁵ circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; ⁶ as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for righteousness based on the law, faultless.
⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in^[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Lent 40

And so we move to the readings for Holy Week here.  As strongly as I can, I urge you to spend time every day this week reading this story and reminding your heart of what was given on the cross. All four or five of you reading, be part of the many who re-walk Jesus' walk from this morning's triumphal entry to Friday's tortuous walk to Golgotha and the many steps between. It is all mystery and I do not understand most of it, and if I think too long, I get too cynical and modern and clever to believe it. But if these last 40 days have shown me anything, it is that God, from the beginning of the story we have, prepared the world for this week and told them and showed and loved them and warned them that Jesus would come and be with us, and in his With Us would change everything.

On this Palm Sunday, Jesus enters the temple and chases out all the people who had wrecked it with their self-interested greed to make room for the blind and the lame and children. He healed people and listened to children and infants from whom praise had been ordained.

May I know my blindness and lack of strength, better than I know my own self-interested greed.

Matthew 21:12-17

New International Version (NIV)

Jesus at the Temple

¹² Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. ¹³ “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’^[a] but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’^[b]”
¹⁴ The blind and the lame came to him at the temple, and he healed them. ¹⁵ But when the chief priests and the teachers of the law saw the wonderful things he did and the children shouting in the temple courts, “Hosanna to the Son of David,” they were indignant.
¹⁶ “Do you hear what these children are saying?” they asked him.
“Yes,” replied Jesus, “have you never read,

“‘From the lips of children and infants
    you, Lord, have called forth your praise’^[c]?”

¹⁷ And he left them and went out of the city to Bethany, where he spent the night.

Lent 39

Romans 11:33-36

New International Version (NIV)

Doxology

³³ Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and^[a] knowledge of God!
    How unsearchable his judgments,
    and his paths beyond tracing out!
³⁴ “Who has known the mind of the Lord?
    Or who has been his counselor?”^[b]
35 “Who has ever given to God,
    that God should repay them?”^[c]
36 For from him and through him and for him are all things.
    To him be the glory forever! Amen.

For from him and through him and for him are all things.

I sure love that. So much. 

Lent 38

Obviously, I am not well-read on matters theological. I am trying to be better read on the straight up Bible side of things, but knowing what other smart people know and think about what's in the Bible isn't really on my list. Truthfully, I find myself the most interesting most days. Unless other people take time to write a book about what the Bible says about me, I'm just not going to go to all that trouble to read what they think it says about everybody else, you know? Maybe one day I'll get over that...

I say this, because sometimes I trip across bits of the Bible the floor me, and it occurs to me that probably I'm not the first person to have noticed said bit. Today is one of those days.  Have you read Psalm 22? David goes on and on (as David is wont to do) about how terrible his suffering is and describes Jesus' suffering on the cross!!  Did you know this?? I think I knew that something was said about it in Isaiah, but I don't think any part of me knew that David wrote a whole Psalm about it! Did the disciples know this Psalm?? Did they freak right out when they saw the crucifixion, or did it just slowly occur to them later as they sat around in their dark room being terrified, and presumably rehashing all that had happened??

"Guys, does anyone remember that Psalm of David's, somewhere near the beginning? Maybe 20 or 22 or something? Where he talks about being pierced in the side? That one...?? It's weird, right? Cause isn't that exactly what happened yesterday?"

No deep thoughts about this really.  Just this.

Psalm 22^[a]

For the director of music. To the tune of “The Doe of the Morning.” A psalm of David.

¹ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
    Why are you so far from saving me,
    so far from my cries of anguish?
² My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
    by night, but I find no rest.^[b]

³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
    you are the one Israel praises.^[c]
4 In you our ancestors put their trust;
    they trusted and you delivered them.
⁵ To you they cried out and were saved;
    in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

⁶ But I am a worm and not a man,
    scorned by everyone, despised by the people.
⁷ All who see me mock me;
    they hurl insults, shaking their heads.
⁸ “He trusts in the Lord,” they say,
    “let the Lord rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
    since he delights in him.”

⁹ Yet you brought me out of the womb;
    you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.
¹⁰ From birth I was cast on you;
    from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

¹¹ Do not be far from me,
    for trouble is near
    and there is no one to help.

¹² Many bulls surround me;
    strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
¹³ Roaring lions that tear their prey
    open their mouths wide against me.
¹⁴ I am poured out like water,
    and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
    it has melted within me.
¹⁵ My mouth^[d] is dried up like a potsherd,
    and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
    you lay me in the dust of death.

¹⁶ Dogs surround me,
    a pack of villains encircles me;
    they pierce^[e] my hands and my feet.
¹⁷ All my bones are on display;
    people stare and gloat over me.
¹⁸ They divide my clothes among them
    and cast lots for my garment.

¹⁹ But you, Lord, do not be far from me.
    You are my strength; come quickly to help me.
²⁰ Deliver me from the sword,
    my precious life from the power of the dogs.
²¹ Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
    save me from the horns of the wild oxen.

²² I will declare your name to my people;
    in the assembly I will praise you.
²³ You who fear the Lord, praise him!
    All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
    Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
²⁴ For he has not despised or scorned
    the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
    but has listened to his cry for help.

²⁵ From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
    before those who fear you^[f] I will fulfill my vows.
²⁶ The poor will eat and be satisfied;
    those who seek the Lord will praise him—
    may your hearts live forever!

²⁷ All the ends of the earth
    will remember and turn to the Lord,
and all the families of the nations
    will bow down before him,
²⁸ for dominion belongs to the Lord
    and he rules over the nations.

²⁹ All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
    all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
    those who cannot keep themselves alive.
³⁰ Posterity will serve him;
    future generations will be told about the Lord.
³¹ They will proclaim his righteousness,
    declaring to a people yet unborn:
    He has done it!

Lent 37

I feel like I'm all packed for a trip 3 days early.  I'm ready for Easter. Ready for the story from Palm Sunday to Easter Sunday. But there are a few more days to go. In these last days before the last days, Jesus went around raising his friends from the dead and and hinting broadly that things were about to get Serious.

Good old Jesus.

Here, read this one while we wait:

John 11:1-27

New International Version (NIV)

The Death of Lazarus

11 Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. ² (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) ³ So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”

⁴ When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” ⁵ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. ⁶ So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, ⁷ and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”
⁸ “But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews there tried to stone you, and yet you are going back?”
⁹ Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? Anyone who walks in the daytime will not stumble, for they see by this world’s light. ¹⁰ It is when a person walks at night that they stumble, for they have no light.”
¹¹ After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”
¹² His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” ¹³ Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.
¹⁴ So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, ¹⁵ and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”
¹⁶ Then Thomas (also known as Didymus^[a]) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

Jesus Comforts the Sisters of Lazarus

¹⁷ On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. ¹⁸ Now Bethany was less than two miles^[b] from Jerusalem, ¹⁹ and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. ²⁰ When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
²¹ “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. ²² But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
²³ Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
²⁴ Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
²⁵ Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; ²⁶ and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
²⁷ “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

Lent 36

There are a few homegroup-isms in my life: "I'm in your boat [or not]", "that's crap theology", and then "that wiley Jesus".  We also talk a lot of about the many, many paradoxes that we must find a way to live with in this life of faith. So it's kind of nice or right or something, that my Lenten journey has turned out to be a real wrestle with one of the basics: being broken and whole, all at the same time.

As I look back at the last 5 weeks, I see a walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Not that I nearly died, but that I had to look at all the bits and pieces of this black heart that could kill me. It is not something we do a lot in my circle, to sit and be shown our sin and have to agree that it deserves death. We of the always-loved generation forget the part maybe, where we're not so awesome. Or maybe that's just me. I think maybe, when it's seen from the outside, it gets confused with being depressed, or having a negative self-image or poor self-esteem. But for me, walking through that valley and being shown the sin was difficult yes, but necessary and the path to righteousness.

Because if I can't see the sin and the broken, how can I accept the grace and the mercy? I don't need it if I'm all fixed up now, right? But I do need it, more and more, all the time. And after walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I am brought to green pastures and a place to rest and I can say, surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.

So I'm made whole. Except of course, I'm still broken.

This article said it better than I did, and if you get a chance, do read it: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/every-christians-paradox

And then as we walk the final steps to the cross, we can do it knowing truly our sinful-self that needs death and then knowing in that very same moment, how grateful our black hearts are for resurrection.

Psalm 119:169-176

New International Version (NIV)

ת Taw

¹⁶⁹ May my cry come before you, Lord;
    give me understanding according to your word.
¹⁷⁰ May my supplication come before you;
    deliver me according to your promise.
¹⁷¹ May my lips overflow with praise,
    for you teach me your decrees.
¹⁷² May my tongue sing of your word,
    for all your commands are righteous.
¹⁷³ May your hand be ready to help me,
    for I have chosen your precepts.
¹⁷⁴ I long for your salvation, Lord,
    and your law gives me delight.
¹⁷⁵ Let me live that I may praise you,
    and may your laws sustain me.
¹⁷⁶ I have strayed like a lost sheep.
    Seek your servant,
    for I have not forgotten your commands.

Lent 35

Quiet, sunshiney morning, thank you. For happy children playing and reading, thank you. For mountains to look at, and friends to play with, thank you.

One more day to rest in grace, aware more than ever that my broken self needs Jesus. That if I can see anything at all, it's becase of Jesus.

And then to go out into the world believing in my heart and saying with my mouth, It's because of Jesus.

That's what I've got, 5 weeks into Lent.

John 9:18-41

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁸ They still did not believe that he had been blind and had received his sight until they sent for the man’s parents. ¹⁹ “Is this your son?” they asked. “Is this the one you say was born blind? How is it that now he can see?”
²⁰ “We know he is our son,” the parents answered, “and we know he was born blind. ²¹ But how he can see now, or who opened his eyes, we don’t know. Ask him. He is of age; he will speak for himself.” ²² His parents said this because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders, who already had decided that anyone who acknowledged that Jesus was the Messiah would be put out of the synagogue. ²³ That was why his parents said, “He is of age; ask him.”
²⁴ A second time they summoned the man who had been blind. “Give glory to God by telling the truth,” they said. “We know this man is a sinner.”
²⁵ He replied, “Whether he is a sinner or not, I don’t know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!”
²⁶ Then they asked him, “What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?”
²⁷ He answered, “I have told you already and you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become his disciples too?”
²⁸ Then they hurled insults at him and said, “You are this fellow’s disciple! We are disciples of Moses! ²⁹ We know that God spoke to Moses, but as for this fellow, we don’t even know where he comes from.”
³⁰ The man answered, “Now that is remarkable! You don’t know where he comes from, yet he opened my eyes. ³¹ We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly person who does his will. ³² Nobody has ever heard of opening the eyes of a man born blind. ³³ If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.”
³⁴ To this they replied, “You were steeped in sin at birth; how dare you lecture us!” And they threw him out.

Spiritual Blindness

³⁵ Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”
³⁶ “Who is he, sir?” the man asked. “Tell me so that I may believe in him.”
³⁷ Jesus said, “You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you.”
³⁸ Then the man said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshiped him.
³⁹ Jesus said,^[a] “For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind.”
⁴⁰ Some Pharisees who were with him heard him say this and asked, “What? Are we blind too?”
⁴¹ Jesus said, “If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains.

Lent 34

This morning, I am up in the dark, doing this before anybody else wakes up. It feels extra holy. Probably something they recommend in the Focus On The Family marriage books on how to be a good wife. It's over-rated.

But the day is going to be full, with most of my busy away from home, and this time with Jesus has become something that matters, an important moment in my day.

And then this morning, I wondered too, what would happen today, the day after yesterday.

And this morning what I read over and over again, is that all of this is about God and God's purposes. Sin, don't sin, good figs, bad figs, the remnant of Israel, and blind man - all are. They exist only to make God's plans known, only to reveal God's great goodness and true heart.

So I bring my raw-again, confessing heart to God this morning, believing that truly God's mercies are new every morning, and beg God, like David has done for weeks and weeks now, beg God to save me. Let there be some goodness for God in my restoration. I don't want to be blind like the useless idols I've built. I want to see. So Jesus, restore my sight.

And then I'm just going to do the rest of the day and hope like crazy it makes God look good. Because friends, God is good.

John 9:1-17

New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind

9 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. ² His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

³ “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. ⁴ As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. ⁵ While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”
⁶ After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. ⁷ “Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.
⁸ His neighbors and those who had formerly seen him begging asked, “Isn’t this the same man who used to sit and beg?” ⁹ Some claimed that he was.
Others said, “No, he only looks like him.”
But he himself insisted, “I am the man.”
¹⁰ “How then were your eyes opened?” they asked.
¹¹ He replied, “The man they call Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes. He told me to go to Siloam and wash. So I went and washed, and then I could see.”
¹² “Where is this man?” they asked him.
“I don’t know,” he said.

The Pharisees Investigate the Healing

¹³ They brought to the Pharisees the man who had been blind. ¹⁴ Now the day on which Jesus had made the mud and opened the man’s eyes was a Sabbath. ¹⁵ Therefore the Pharisees also asked him how he had received his sight. “He put mud on my eyes,” the man replied, “and I washed, and now I see.”
¹⁶ Some of the Pharisees said, “This man is not from God, for he does not keep the Sabbath.”
But others asked, “How can a sinner perform such signs?” So they were divided.
¹⁷ Then they turned again to the blind man, “What have you to say about him? It was your eyes he opened.”
The man replied, “He is a prophet.”

Lent 33

Sometimes.

What? Sometimes what?

Sometimes God doesn't let a person - and by person, I mostly mean me - off the hook. Sometimes God says something loud enough and often enough that there's no pretending I haven't heard it. Sometimes I wish God would keep God's words to God's self.

I will not tell the whole story, but church has been a place of Not-Rest for me for a long time. Years and years and years. The Church in general and The Church I'm A Part Of in particular.  There are lots of obvious reasons why the church can be a hard entity to be a part of - the history of the church is all too full of our flaws and failures, with killing people who don't agree with us being at the top of the list. Happily, the church I worship with has not killed anyone, but still, we are a collection of flawed and failurey people who inevitably hurt and fail each other, over and over and over again, and over these many years, I have done a good job of keeping a list of those hurts and fails, kind of hoarding them on the back deck in boxes and stacks.

For that reason, and few other bad ones, I don't join up with my church people all that often. But from time to time, I take some collection of my people off to the old high school building to go be church. This morning turned out to be one of those mornings, for no particular reason.  After a few songs, I took my small to the preschool program, and on my way back in to the service walked with my friend Jenn (yes, of Hell Talk Fame - I am still her really good friend, but today she was mine). I turned to her and said, "My heart is so black. I hate this place. I get so mad everytime I'm here. I don't even know why. I'm just so mad." And she said, "Oh no." And then she invited me to come with her.

This morning, it turned out our church was celebrating forty years of life together. I've only been in the together for about 15 years myself, and was gone for 6 of those. But all of my adult life has been spent with these people. When I started as a 19 year old, there were about 40 of us. Now there are about 400. It has been a full life for our little community.

As I listened to the stories of those forty years, it has hard to miss the part where no one stood up to remember the time they were let down by a jerk two rows over. I knew for a fact that some of those hearts had been hurt, more than once. But that wasn't the story that got told. What got told was story after story of God With Us.  God with us when we've been four families starting out together. God with us when we've moved and moved and moved and moved. God with us when we've been 20 and 200 and 40 and 400. God with us as we married and buried and yes, hurt and failed each other.

I sat next to my friend who had said, Come sit your black heart down with me, and I cried a bit. I cried because God whispered something about needing forgiveness. Maybe something about sin.  Maybe something about that stupid idol I've built to my own awesomeness needing to go. About God with us being with us and not just with me. Yep. My List of Reasons all came down to this one: These people don't think I'm awesome enough.

Gross.

I'm pretty sure churches end up dividing over this. We pretend it's about Major Issues and Theological Debate but in the end, people break up with people because those other people don't think we people are awesome enough. Or maybe, it's really just me.

Regardless, my Lent now brings me back to confession, to asking for forgiveness, for doing my best to hand over the idol I keep sneaking in my backpack and saying to God that I don't want to carry it anymore. And my faith is that God will do what God keeps doing over and over, all through Deuteronomy and Jeremiah, through Psalms and John and Romans and Mark - God serves up grace and mercy instead of hell. God says, Come sit your black heart down with me.

God with us.

This morning the church stood up and sang - all of them, even the ones I glare at the most - "Give thanks and praise to our God and King, His love endures forever."  Then I came home and read Psalm 118, today's reading. When God is repetitive like that, I take it as Listen carefully.  So I heard this, "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done. The Lord has chastened me severely, but he has not given me over to death."  And then I decided to let my black heart be restored, and see what happens next.

Psalm 118

¹ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.

² Let Israel say:
    “His love endures forever.”
³ Let the house of Aaron say:
    “His love endures forever.”
⁴ Let those who fear the Lord say:
    “His love endures forever.”

⁵ When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord;
    he brought me into a spacious place.
⁶ The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
    What can mere mortals do to me?
⁷ The Lord is with me; he is my helper.
    I look in triumph on my enemies.

⁸ It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in humans.
⁹ It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in princes.
¹⁰ All the nations surrounded me,
    but in the name of the Lord I cut them down.
¹¹ They surrounded me on every side,
    but in the name of the Lord I cut them down.
¹² They swarmed around me like bees,
    but they were consumed as quickly as burning thorns;
    in the name of the Lord I cut them down.
¹³ I was pushed back and about to fall,
    but the Lord helped me.
¹⁴ The Lord is my strength and my defense^[a];
    he has become my salvation.

¹⁵ Shouts of joy and victory
    resound in the tents of the righteous:
“The Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!
¹⁶     The Lord’s right hand is lifted high;
    the Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!”
¹⁷ I will not die but live,
    and will proclaim what the Lord has done.
¹⁸ The Lord has chastened me severely,
    but he has not given me over to death.
¹⁹ Open for me the gates of the righteous;
    I will enter and give thanks to the Lord.
²⁰ This is the gate of the Lord
    through which the righteous may enter.
²¹ I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
    you have become my salvation.

²² The stone the builders rejected
    has become the cornerstone;
²³ the Lord has done this,
    and it is marvelous in our eyes.
²⁴ The Lord has done it this very day;
    let us rejoice today and be glad.

²⁵ Lord, save us!
    Lord, grant us success!

²⁶ Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.
    From the house of the Lord we bless you.^[b]
27 The Lord is God,
    and he has made his light shine on us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
    up^[c] to the horns of the altar.

²⁸ You are my God, and I will praise you;
    you are my God, and I will exalt you.

²⁹ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.

Lenten Aside: Theology Helps

I had a nice little email conversation with The Pastor Next Door that I found helpful in the midst of last week's conundrum about who Jesus is talking to, and why he's such a jerk in the book of John.  I am posting part of his email here so I have a place to find it again, contextualized and everything within this Lenten journey. 

From The Pastor Next Door:
 
I can see where the jerk comes from. Sometimes it seems that way. Who knows… maybe he was.

As for the unknowing, or failing to understand, i'll give you this:

1. Sometimes we fail to understand things that actually would have been very easy to the audience to understand.  ie. the jewishy, new Moses stuff.  To us the links make no sense, or we don't even know they are there - until we understand the OT and the Jewish audience. The more we understand this - the more Jesus makes sense.  If he's the climax… then like any climax we can't make sense of it/him without the rest of the story. In this case, the rest of the story is not the NT - it's the OT.  Christians suck at this.  We need the long story - to make sense of the climax. It's a basic literature rule. 

2. Sometimes Jesus teaches in a confusing manner to woo the disciples to ask deeper questions. This is often one reason he taught in parables.  To try and urge them to receptive insight. In this regard, I like Peterson's translation of Matthew 13.  Read it. 

3. (I taught on this a few months ago) Sometimes Jesus specifically speaks in confusing manners because he enacting judgement against people - Israel and specifically the TOL. This is where the "ears to hear, eyes to see" thing comes in. In the book of Isaiah, Israel is constantly being likened to her idols. They had become deaf and blind… just like the idols and because of this, God was going to raise up Assyria to shake them from their idolatry. In the gospels Jesus sees that Israel has repeated her prior sins. She - and specifically her leaders - had again become deaf and blind. They also lacked the eyes to see and ears to hear. The key sign of this was that they did not recognize Jesus - nor the word of John the Baptist. 

Thus, in Mark 4, Jesus specifically says that from now on he's going to teach in Parables. His reason for this is because he's going fulfil their "idol" nature. Their ears are no longer going to work - and he's gong to speak in a deliberately confounding way to ensure this is the case. They have ears - but they will not be able to hear. In effect, he is making them just like the idols.  The parables then - beyond being cutesy stories about God and Me and my need to evangelize - are actually Jesus enacting profound judgement against Israel and her leaders.  However, those with ears to hear… those that are still open to listening to him… they will hear. And, as we see, for these, even if they don't understand, Jesus will explain to them what he means.  This is what happens when Jesus speaks parables publicly - but then later explains in private to those that are following him.   

With this last point the whole "jerky/inscrutable" thing comes to the fore.  I guess.  There's no question… Jesus came for the lost sheep of Israel - but when they and the leaders reject him - he turns the table, and treats  them like the idols he sees them to be. Deaf, blind and dumb. 

Now… with that in mind… maybe this guy's approach was on to something. Imitating Jesus?  Perhaps you'll say, "yes". 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBU6JFjSL3Q

  

Lent 32

It's a slow, rainy Saturday, the first of Spring Break. The kids are downstairs watching a Smurfs DVD because I've decided I'm the kind of parent who doesn't worry about stuff like too much TV or bad animation. I've just been visited by my third batch of Jehovah's Witnesses in 10 days, and am reconsidering my Warm and Friendly Open Door policy with those guys. Rosarita and Elsie are welcome but the rest of them are going to have to go.

I can't say it's connected to Lent for sure, but this has happened during Lent: I have been caring less about a lot of things that sometimes I care too much about, TV time and bad animation being just the start of it. I care less about fish sticks for dinner and chocolate chips with snacks. I care less about the parts I'm doing poorly on this parenting trip generally.  I care less about too, about the parts I'm doing poorly on this faith journey too. Caring less is so much nicer.

This verse helps: "Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden." (Romans 9:18)  See, it's not up to me. Assuming Paul got this part right, of course.

The thing is, caring less about all of that gives me some energy to actually do more of the stuff I like to do. More energy to pray to a God I may or may not be loving enough for that God to hear me. More energy to put into the parts of parenting I think I'm good at, and like to do. More energy to make the foods I like to make so that the parts I outsource to Captain Highliner don't have to feel so bad.

If that's one of the fruits of Lent - sharper focus on where to care - then I dig Lent.

Romans 9:1-18

New International Version (NIV)

Paul’s Anguish Over Israel

9 I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it through the Holy Spirit— ² I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. ³ For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people, those of my own race, ⁴ the people of Israel. Theirs is the adoption to sonship; theirs the divine glory, the covenants, the receiving of the law, the temple worship and the promises. ⁵ Theirs are the patriarchs, and from them is traced the human ancestry of the Messiah, who is God over all, forever praised!^[a] Amen.

God’s Sovereign Choice

⁶ It is not as though God’s word had failed. For not all who are descended from Israel are Israel. ⁷ Nor because they are his descendants are they all Abraham’s children. On the contrary, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.”^{[b] 8} In other words, it is not the children by physical descent who are God’s children, but it is the children of the promise who are regarded as Abraham’s offspring. ⁹ For this was how the promise was stated: “At the appointed time I will return, and Sarah will have a son.”^[c]
10 Not only that, but Rebekah’s children were conceived at the same time by our father Isaac. ¹¹ Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad—in order that God’s purpose in election might stand: ¹² not by works but by him who calls—she was told, “The older will serve the younger.”^{[d] 13} Just as it is written: “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.”^[e]
14 What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! ¹⁵ For he says to Moses,

“I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
    and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”^[f]

¹⁶ It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. ¹⁷ For Scripture says to Pharaoh: “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”^{[g] 18} Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.