Joylight

I am loving this time of year.  So much.  I've got me some Joys going on.  I love all this dark that makes the light so necessary, that has me watching so closely for new light to sneak into all that early-arriving, slow-to-leave dark.  The light comes in the morning, red and orange and pink. It arrives saphire with hints of green in the early evening.  It arrives in an explosion of bright at the end of a match and then shares itself with the short wicks of my Ikea tea lights.  It reflects off unexpected surfaces and every time, it makes my heart glad.  And oddly, it leaves me loving the dark.  Because of course, without all this dark, how would I see the light?

At the very same time, I find myself slowly crawling out of the darks, or did I call them the Bleaks? Whatever their name, it is that dank and dingy spot at the bottom of my soul where it's hard to see what good or right or worthwhile.  So often it's just horomonal residue that blocks the light, but always - heavy and awful.  And temporary.  I think at the time I even said, I mostly know, so temporary.

But now, as we inch into Advent and train our hearts to prepare for The Light that is coming, all that dark creaks and cracks and the light starts to sneak back in.  And it is the best kind of magic.

There is light sneaking in to being mom this week, little spots of light that illuminate their hilarity, their sweet kindnesses to each other, their okay-ness. There is light sneaking into church-life, cracks in the wall I built between me and community for a few years, cracks that light wiggles through, landing on love and togetherness.  Light is sliding under the door to our marriage, and the room becomes brighter with gentleness and gratitude.  Light is bending around the corner of my journey from wanting to being, and I find myself being a bit more disciplined, a bit more active, a bit more faith-full.

All this light. It's Jesus coming! Jesus is coming and we get to spend days and days remembering together what a good gift that is, all that Light showing up right in the middle of the darkest dark, right when we all thought all was lost, that there was not another reason to squint at the was-it-always-dark horizon.  Right then, Jesus showed up, and keeps on showing up.

It is joy for me. Every time.