Today was the first full day of The Terrible Thing. I think we did admirably, all things considered.
SJ accompanied his parents to The Appointment where the details were filled in (and can be provided under separate cover if you are a person who would benefit from said details). He took notes and asked questions and just plain sonned. He collected the information and followed up and updated his siblings. He's being really, really great.
He and his parents came back here for lunch and we lunched and chatted and reviewed and made sure to remember all the places where Hope lives. We considered options and detours and possibilities, at least all the safe and not-too-scary ones. We had tea and donuts and wondered if the dog had truly been the first to know.
And then they left.
And we realized that The First Day wasn't going to be The Last Day. That we're going to have to do all the days in between. That we're going to have to share all the days in between with other people who will have different ideas and different needs and different plans and Hopes and Fears. And that most of all of that is actually just going to look like a lot of Waiting.
Waiting is not so much a super-valued lifeskill. Actually, T's "Oh The Places You'll Go" book kind of frowns on it and implies that the waiting-arounders are foolhardy life-wasters. Wait-ers are people who aren't using their power, who aren't getting things done.
But I think the Waiting is going to be where the glory is this time around - it seems quite certain that we are not going to enjoying a lot of power-full. Getting good at living well while waiting could be our best hope. If waiting is just the thing we hate and resent, we're going to end up pretty hateful and resenting when all is said and done and lord knows we'll have enough reason for that as it is. But if Waiting is the place where we linger, I wonder if maybe Jesus doesn't hang out there? I mean, I get Jesus is probably going to be fairly easy to find in the days ahead, but I bet hanging out with him while we Wait could be... well, a good thing.
So we're going to be the kind of people who ask for prayers. At least I am. We want to meet Jesus in the Waiting Room and we want him to do that thing where everyone knows he's there even if they don't know it's him. You know what I mean?
2 comments:
A,
Without knowing the details, just want to let you know I will walk in prayer with you and S. I have walked the path through parental illnesses that come with capital letters, and it is not an easy one. Not always terrible, but all too often tough. The waiting can be agonizing and seem endless, but there are precious moments of 'being' tucked away inside that waiting ... moments of hope and joy and grace and love and understanding that don't really exist anywhere else. You may not even recognize them when they appear, but even if you miss them the first time around, they'll wait for you one the other side and can renew and heal even then. The only explanation for it, I think, is that Jesus is indeed there waiting with you ... his heart hurting alongside yours.
I can say "I've been there", but that doesn't help either of you. Can I say "I will be there"? Beside you while you wait? Because you have been by my side while I WAITED, literally and figuratively.
We said to Larissa on the 5 year anniversary of her Transplant: "Don't look ahead for the future is uncertain and scary, Don't back because the past is done, but look to your sides and that is where you will find us, you friends walking beside you."
Please know you are not alone.
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