Last week, a family in Sparwood, BC woke up and soon realized that one of their eight children was missing. Within hours, the police had issued an Amber Alert announcing young Kienan's absence and the likelihood that he was with a bad guy. A bad guy with a history of creating lairs set up for doing grievous harm to young children and even trying to take them from their homes from time to time. Finally, this broken man had succeeded and was gone with the Hebert's three-year-old. It was the description of this boy last being seen with three blankets in Scooby-Doo boxers that broke me.
The siren whine of the Amber Alert that played every 20 minutes or so on the radio stations I listen to was my call to prayer. A wordless moan in the direction of the heavens that I hope was heard as "FOR GOD'S SAKE! DO SOMETHING!" We knew the dark things that lurked in the bad guy's heart and we knew that little boy didn't talk and we surely knew he was afraid and wanted him mum and wanted to be home and WHY WASN'T GOD DOING SOMETHING?!
At 3am Sunday morning, sweet Kienan was found in his living room. The bad guy had phoned the police and told them he'd be there. The police guy said later that morning that this was "unprecedented" and a "small miracle". A day or so later, the bad guy was captured by the good guys in the woods of Alberta, hanging out in a cabin at a Bible Camp.
Radio talk show hosts and I have this in common: despite the amazingness of all that happened - the boy being returned whole, the bad guy being caught, all those "small miracles" - we are not satisfied.
If radio folk are to be believed (and possibly the TV and newspaper and internet people too - I just haven't looked), the police still screwed this up. Despite doing things in such a way that the child is home and the bad guy is in jail, the police are still wrong. Questions and second guessing abounds and there is certainty that it could have and should have been done better. That it was resolved in less than a week matters not. Those cops suck and probably suck on purpose. Because they're jerks. I'm pretty sure that's what we're meant to believe.
If I am to be believed, God was silent. Absent. Worse than useless. I could live with the Bad Thing Happening (I think that was almost all I wrote about all spring, my okayness with Bad and Hard), but I could not live with the Bad Thing Happening To That Boy. While I, in most things, truly, in my heart, believe that the promise is not of Protection but of Presence, in this case, Presence was inadequate. I needed Protection for this boy and God was clearly witholding it. And I said so outloud. Internet outloud that is. And people were confused and wondered how I could possibly be irked with God when there were so many other better bad guys out there to blame.
The radio people and I share this dilemma. Before then end of the story is known, our fears are winning and we lose sight of what is Good. In fairness, the story has often ended badly and our fears are not unfounded: sadly several police officers have made terrible mistakes here in BC in the last years, and sadly, it would seem that God doesn't always return children to their mothers. Our expectation that our fears would be realized again was not silly. But it was not fair or right.
Because now that the end is known, this time, the police did do it right. They really, truly did. I'm not altogether clear what better outcome could be expected. And if you're a person who prayed, then surely you're believing that God did it right too. God answered all those prayers.
But just like the radio people just can't cut those cops any slack, I just can't give God the credit on this one. I just can't find space to say God acted on our requests.
Because if God saved Kienan, then how do I keep on loving a God who doesn't save them all?
My tandemness with the radio people ends here. I don't suppose any of them are freaking out about their entire life's foundation.
The only okay part is that my mystery basket appears to be big enough to hold this one too. I can find a way to Praise Him Still, despite not understanding how the fuck this all works. But it's a tough one and I can tell it's going to haunt me for a while.
Thank God Kienan's home. I do.
3 comments:
Have you ever seen the Movie "Evan Almighty" with Steve Carell and Morgan freeman? Steve play's "Noah" and Morgan plays "God". In the Movie, "God" is having a discussion with Noah's wife - she thinks her husband is going crazy. Anyway . . . here's the link to the scene: http://youtu.be/wnMZ-o9BKeg
It simplifies my entire belief structure.
So praying for God to Do something is silly . . . he gave us, and the bad guy (who I'm sure as twisted as he was asked his own God for direction over the last few days) the OPPORTUNITY to do something . . . the right thing.
Goal #1 - was getting that kids home safe. They had to give "the bad guy" the opportunity to do that. Do you really beleive they left that house open and unattended by mistake? No, they deliberatly set it up so Kienan could be returned fast, in a way that felt safe to "Mr. Bad Guy". done. Everyone did their Job perfectly, God included. Because I could live with NEVER finding the bad guy and double and triple checking my locks at night. But never finding Kienan or Finding him harmed and not alive. I. COULD. NOT.
Wow. And that's a "small" miracle? Sheesh . . . what's a medium-sized miracle. Thank you for such a beautiful post. A friend got terrible news on Monday about her husband's brain cancer, and as a result, I am searching for God. I know He is there. I know He is always there. Thank you God, for guiding the bad guy to do right. Such good and happy news.
@khaugland, surely Steve Carell and Morgan Freeman know share all that is worth knowing about the kingdom. I got stuck at the part where Michael Dunahee's parents still don't know where he is. Mostly I worry about something happening where I get to the point where I. COULD. NOT.
@Sarah, thank you for reminding me of the power of "thank you" - I will remind Jesus to highlight the Thank You worthy parts in your friends' journey too. Ugh.
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