Not Me

A friend has to wait three months to find out if her child has relapsed.  Another is waiting for a test to see if it's cancer this time. A Writing Friend just wrote about her experience with major depression.

Of course, I am writhing and waiting and hoping and praying along with them in their living this life they're living. But a not-too-secret part of me is just thankful that yet again, it's Not Me.

I had dinner with a long-time-ago friend and we spent the evening catching up on the almost 20 years that have elapsed.  As he talked about what I thought were some less than ideal moments, I said in my most empathetic voice, "Ugh. Life is just hard sometimes huh?"  And he looked at me with genuine confusion on his face and said, "No.  No, not really.  People say that and I never know what they mean."  Now, while I was tempted to let him know all the things that were wrong with his life, I realized that probably he wouldn't find that helpful.  But it did leave me wondering how a person can live in this world, even just semi-conciously, and not know that Life Is Hard.

And this is what I find hard, living next to people who's lives are hard Right Now: it is not if, just when and how the Hard Things will come.  But the trick to good living is somehow balancing that truth against the other truth that Life Is Good.  Because I think that peace (and maybe Jesus if you live that way) is probably hiding out at that intersection.  If we can find a way to hang out at the corner of Hard and Good, maybe we do some good living there.

I am always tempted to walk down Hard Street to see if I can see what Hard Thing is coming my way. Some are easy to guess: probably people I love will die in the years ahead; chances are my children will struggle and get hurt; I doubt I've had my last Marriage Argument #42.  But of course, the walk is wasted because those things will happen on their own terms, at their own time.

But for now, today, it is still Not Me. For which I am deeply thankful.  Because when the time comes, I want to be able to remember Good has also been True.