A Fine Line

Of the many good writers I read, one is Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project (referred to me by Katie many, many moons ago). Her most recent newsletter linked to a post about her hope to be less judgmental.

So, yesterday I'm sitting on the lawn at the West Van Rec Centre with friend Kate, surrounded by our bounty of unusually bright and attractive children. I turned to her and said, "I know I am a bad person because I have have thoughts like these and always say them outloud. I have to stop. But do you see that woman over there..." Kate interrupted and said, "I knew who you were going to point to as soon as you started talking," and we laughed and laughed because of course we are terrible people and the woman was our ideal target: awkwardly dressed but carrying herself in such a way that said, I dare you. And so we dared.

You can understand then, why Gretchen's post would be so appealing. Even I know that hilarious as my quick evaluations are, they probably aren't kind and might actually even be Wrong. Like, sin-Wrong. The difficulty has been that the act of judging and sharing said judgments is such pleasure, so often. How could I deny myself? Perhaps Gretchen and readers would have some ideas.

Of course, it is firstly gratifying to know that others share your disability and perhaps even have a more severe form of it. But then, it is sadly mortifying to discover that that initial evaluation is actually only proof of the severity of one's own disability. So all the more desperate was I to find the cure. And here, bulleted because my children sound all-too-awake, are the first thoughts I will be trying on as I begin considering rehabilitation:

• Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Plato
• Practice Acceptance.
• Knowing right from wrong is different than being right about everything.
• Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it good?
• If I'm not the solution, there is no problem.
• They are who they need to be.

Some offered as a solution trying to think of reasons to explain why the judgee might be doing something I consider judgment-worthy: "She's wearing all that spandex because all her other clothes were lost in a terrible housefire last night." However, when I think that way, I find it only entrenches in me a feeling of superiority that is as ugly as the judgment to begin with. Which made me realize that it's not so much the judgmentalism that bothers me, as the Yucky Mean Spirit in which it is made.

And so my next project will be figuring out a cure for Yucky Mean Spirit.

Lord. This may not go well.