What God Does

Some things to remember about what God does.

One thing is that God answers prayers. Or maybe it's that God sometimes tells us the thing to pray for that he is about to provide so that we will know that's he's in the midst. I like that explanation because it means that God starts it all up anyway.

So Friday morning was the breaking point. A sleepless night, very reminiscent of the old-school pre-engagement anxiety days where I completely lost the ability to turn them off. Them being those anxious, worried, interminable thoughts about all that is going wrong. A 7am cry with my husband, confessing that I had crossed the line from "normal concern" to "out of control, raging anxiety disordered thinking". Finally, a request to Jesus that he provide a doctor's appointment with a doctor who would be definitive and helpful and arrange an ultrasound and be clear about what was going on.

9am, go to the clinic and request a doctor with some prenatal experience and get Cara Wilson-Somethinglong. I describe the pain in my abdomen and my anxiety and she actually palpates and asks questions. And says that she thinks it is most likely cystic pain from the follicle that released the egg that should still be there pumping out progesterone to keep the pregancy going until my body takes over in 6 - 8 weeks. But if it will help me, she can arrange an ultrasound to rule out the ectopic pregnancy I've diagnosed myself with.

Asks nurse to set up "urgent" ultrasound. Nurse comes back and says that there can be no ultrasound until 6 weeks, then pages OB on call to find out how to proceed. OB consults with dr and says that it is likely that everything is fine but to be sure, do 2 serial beta HCGs - measure pregnancy hormones 2 different days and difference in numbers will suggest either all is going as it should, or it isn't.

Dr. orders said labwork and suggests to also schedule 6 week scan.

Abdominal pain has since eased, confirming the power of "all in your head". Not gone but less mind-stealing.

So God provides exactly what I pray for, including TWO doctors who are clear about how to be clear about what's happening, rest from the anxiety that was ruining me and an ultrasound in a week or so.

And then a phone call from Shannon full of comfort and reminders about investing in hope, and then an email from Megan in Minnesota saying she was thinking about me, and of course I think that counts as prayer.

So God provides prayers to be prayed asking for exactly what will be given, and old friends and new friends to meet the moments' need for comfort and proof all over the place from New Jersey to Minnesota to 14th Street that he is in the midst of this and doing what he can to make it bearable for me.

That's a good God right there.