There was Life

It is fearsome to put some things into writing.

I am currently not unpregant. Those are probably the most accurate words I have right now. I have known this for about 50 hours now. I am fine. Except for the times when I'm terrified. Or when I'm not working. Or when I can't think about anything else. Or when I think I might be spotting. Or cramping. Or not feeling anything at all. Other than that, I'm totally fine.

But I want a record. Just in case. Stranger things have happened, right?

So there is much lovely about this moment in our lives. There is Scott who researches things on the internet after forbidding me to do so and tells me the good news bits. He also prays for me and that's nice too because he keeps saying the things my heart wants God to hear from us but that I can't just say by myself.

There is Jolie who lives next door and can pray and cry right away and be encouraging of acting normal and waiting. Who thinks that God probably loves us too.

There is my mom who is wandering around with seaweed in her pocket. Will we ever look at sushi the same?

This kind of waiting is not like all the waiting we've done before. I guess over these last 22 months, there was always the possibility of a positive outcome. And the negative was pretty familiar, pretty quickly.

Now the waiting is for a whole world of unknown, no matter what happens. I would list all the bad things but that would do none of us any good. But in the immediate short term, the waiting is only for tragedy. I can't get past the next hour or so in my mind and the next hour can only bring something bad. Or nothing I guess. Or I guess that nothing is actually one more hour of good news.

So, 50 hours of good news so far with just 3 minutes of spotting.

You'd think it would be obvious, wouldn't you?