I went to the neighbour's crazy prayer room tonight. And maybe God said something. Maybe when I told him that I was really trying to trust him with this baby* but that it was so hard because I while I knew he was mostly trustworthy, I wasn't sure he was entirely trustworthy. And by that I meant, willing to do what I want him to do.
And as I wept in the face of my own faith-full unfaithfulness God said giving her** over to me tonight is only first time of many times you will have to do this. It will be hard everytime. That this wasn't a test to pass or fail, just a truth.
So in letters on an anonymous, unread blog, I say as publicly as I can tonight "She is yours. I trust you."
Yikes.
*First typed use of "baby".
** I use the female pronoun throughout mostly because that's what comes to mind when I think about it. I don't pretend it to be prophetic, just convenient and quicker to type than he/she, her/him.
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