Well, the Diaper Bag is Ready

Actually, not so much ready, as here. Sweet Auntie Katie sent a wicked awesome diaper bag that happens to be a great match with the wicked awesome stroller that Mum & Dad bought the Bean. As you'll see by this photo, at the very least we look like we know what we're doing. The reality remains to be seen.



In the meantime, I'm just ... waiting. All systems are go in most meaningful ways except for the part where I go into actual labour. I do have to remember that sooner or later it will have to happen, and maybe not be quite so impatient if it turns out to be more later than sooner. I'll practice that.

Well, brief but to the point I think. Oh, and I did switch out the photo in the last post to better reflect Week 39. The initial photo looked a little too... awful, really. Of course now you get a much better sense of the neck size. Really, I can't win.

Perhaps more later?

This Is What Ready Looks Like

It's not easy to see in this photo, but at 39 weeks plus a day, I have become large-necked. Well, large-lots-of-things, but the large neck is the most upsetting of late. I'm really hoping that it's just fluid, but really, where in your neck would fluid go?? oh well, so far the cankles are holding off, so all's not lost.




In the meantime, I'm about done with the little make-work tasks of these last days (weeks?) before the Bean arrives. I've become a bit weepy and tired, and convinced that in fact, this child is staying in here forever. It's very hard to imagine it leaving really. But it is getting big - when it moves now, my organs shift. I'm pretty sure I was pushing my kidneys back in the other night in bed. Kind of low, below my ribs in the back?? I figure the kid is about 2 feet long by now, seems to weigh about 13 pounds... I held a friend's 7 pounder on Thursday, and realized my belly weighs a LOT more than she does. Can't be a good sign.

Yes, all my talk just a week ago, about not being desperate to end this... well, that phase has passed. I would not say I'm desperate - just ... ready? I mean, clearly, so NOT ready in many ways (see photo below), but ready in the, "It would be good to see you in the flesh" kind of way.

Yesterday my husband sent me home from errands with the caveat that I stop for a pedicure and then go home and take a nap. He stopped on his way home and bought us a glider I've been coveting. I woke up from my nap and there it was. You will see it in the baby's room, next to the basinette (thank you Heidi). SO lovely and wonderful. You may also notice the chaos in the corners of the room. The photos not hung, the baby gear tossed to the side... that would be the not ready part I was mentioning above. But the glider is ready. The sweet husband who makes sure the toes are ready is ready. My kidneys are ready.

Hopefully the Bean is ready.

38 1/2 Weeks

So technically, only a week and a half to go. Or 3 and a half weeks. Or a few hours... Could be anytime I guess. I have been asked if I'm desperate to get it out, and I must confess I am not. I am increasingly uncomfortable dragging all this weight around but it is nowhere near as terrible as it could be. At least right now I know where the kid is, and I'm doing a reasonably good job of raising it. Hormones are steady, all my body parts where they ought to be, freedom to sleep in every morning... no I'm not desperate to end this at all.

That said, I am SO looking forward to meeting this one. I am looking forward to cuddles and kisses and the smallness. I am looking forward to Scott grabbing his child out of the carseat with one hand and grabbing a bag in the other and walking up the walk to our house with his Dad face on. It's such a clear picture to me...

I like to think about the things I'm looking forward to as it seems to be people's favourite thing to tell me all things I should dread. Why do we do that? The world is joy-robbing enough as it is, especially for those of us with anxiety fondness. So for now, I am practicing dwelling in the potential sweetnesses and walking my mind away from the fear and hopelessness that draw me so much more easily.

Yesterday, I found myself oddly weepy, thankful all over again for this moment in our lives. The journey was so not how we expected it to be, but is just how it should be nonetheless. I am thankful for Jolie - all our breakfasts at the Bakehouse and then that morning in September when she was right there to pray for us all right at the beginning. I am thankful for my Mum who prayed so quietly to herself for so long, waiting me out. I am thankful for my sister who did all the aunt things while understanding all the crazy things too. I am thankful for all our friends in our homegroup who prayed for us so often, and especially on that last un-pregnant Tuesday- there is such good faith and community built into that entire week, but that moment remains particularly sweet.

I am thankful for a Father in Heaven who loves us all three so much. So togetherly are we loved (yes, I do mean 'togetherly'...) already and then so faithfully are we loved each on our own. It is quite humbling over and over. That we have each been provided to each for the others so that we would each know Jesus better, each know God's deep love for us. So wonderful. So marvellous. So thankful I am.

Finally, I am thankful all over again for Scott. It is something else to realize that he is just so much better than I knew when I said yes to his brave marriage proposal. I didn't know. He was so good then and I figured we could probably pull this off with enough other people around to help us, but I knew nothing. Nothing at all. He is so good. Strong (not quite strong enough to carry me anymore apparently, but hell, who can?) and brave to do this with me. I see him carry the weight of having to provide for us, and how hard he is working at it and I wonder at the wonder of it. Who thought someone would take care of me?

Funny, I am sitting here weeping. Totally late for an appt but crying my eyes out in thankfulness for this boy I love so deeply. So thankful for him and all of who he is and none of that is in here. But before life gets all busy and crazy and I don't have time to remember that I love my husband, I just want it here that today at 38 and a half weeks, I know that God knew I would do better with Scott around. That he was the one to build a family with. That he was the one who would be a reminder all the time of how much God must love me...

A few more

Clever Brooke sent yet more photos, so I am posting them mostly for my mother's edification. I am surprised by my own delight in having this record. Oh, and for the record, this afternoon Auntie Anna hosted a lovely shower for the Bean and I, and we were thoroughly spoiled. I will try to get some pics of the loot, I mean gifts, to share with some of you long distancers who were forced to miss the fun!

Photo Fun with Brooke

So friend Brooke is a capable gal in all manner of ways but this afternoon's project was photos of the Belly for posterity's sake I suppose. I was a bit reluctant, having mocked this form of self-appreciation by others but darned if I don't just love the results. This is a fun little record of the Bean's pre-natal days and it will be good to remember my body did this.

So following is a little gallery from this afternoon's fun by Photog ExtraOrdinaire, Brooke McAllister.

This first one is Brooke's favourite; we were very brave about being so corny and it even turned out!


Number Two here is a big old laugh-riot. Scott and I have a running bet about how many fire-themed items this child is going to receive. Oh my, I laughed OUTLOUD when I saw this one. I think we'll have to hang it over the crib...


Number three is an old-school photo reference for Shannon, with Eleanor returning to centre-stage of the photo world. Eleanor the Duck has been photographed world-wide and the belly seemed like a great stage for her re-entry to modeling.



The next three are perhaps to be ever known as the Serious Shots. I think I am doing a good job of conveying tired and round.





This is actually the funnier of the fire photos - I guess this one will go over the crib...



Round. Katie asked me what I wanted to photos to say, and I said "round" and sure enough, I got what I wanted...


Turned out the best light was in the bathroom. And for the record, I do spend a lot of time there...