Imagine All The People

At some point, someone reminded us that church is a we, not a where. I can't say for sure, but that might have been the beginning of the unraveling of my relationship with the church I've been a part of for all of my Canadian adult life. Having a baby who napped at 10am did us no favours either, but the erosion of the idea that we go to church started right about then and is barely holding up these days.

The together expression of my faith has been in small groups for a long time. I have been connected to a lovely, life-affirming, God loving group of friends for a long time. Over the years we have wondered about God in all kinds of ways, in all kinds of directions, in several combinations of people. God With Us is lived with these friends.

Showing up with 300 other people to sing together, listen to one of us talk for half-an-hour and monthly do communion has mostly turned into a once-in-a-while Sunday morning spent with a judgey heart wondering what God thinks of me being so black and bleak. I am fairly certain that there is a lot of God's favourite loving God and loving your neighbour going on there, but I'm equally certain I am participating in very little of it. I am the Horrible Warning lurking in the midst of their Good Example.

Letting go of going to church is mostly possible. The less possible part is replacing for my kids what church does for kids. The list of good that church can do for smalls is long and worthy. But you know, there are a kajillion things that are good for kids that I'm not doing, and I think I'm admitting that going to church is going to be one of them.

Which leads us to the beginning of yet another new thing - figuring what it means to be church as a family that isn't going to go to church. Tonight we had one of what will be many conversations with friends who are also going to have to let go of going to church because of entirely different circumstances, but who too are having to imagine a different way of sharing faith with children.

As we talked about talking about this after we got home, my husband said outloud what I couldn't find a way to say at the table:  "However we include faith in our family, I want it to be sincere and I want it to be who we are, not just something we do." That's what he said! I know. Awesome, right? Well, awesome because it's what my heart has been trying to put words around for a while. It's not that it's unusual or unique - every family I know who is going to church would say this. But for our family, we haven't figured this out, and going to church isn't sincere or who we are. Sailing on a sunny Sunday is who we are. Celebrating Jesus over dinner with friends is who we are. Singing Jimmy Buffet songs as loud as we can, even when there are swear words, just because we are on a boat and we would ride our pony on our boat if we could - that's who we are.

So we're going to figure out how to pass on to our kids that all of who we are includes hearts that wonder about Who God Is.  We're going to hope to find a way to do that in groups of people so that they learn along with us what is means to be church without going to church. And we're going to hope to find a way to do that in our Just The Four Of Us too. And I'm going to keep writing and Lenting and praying and visiting Anglican churches and being with my people and being a grown-up who loves Jesus all on my own.

And then I'll go back to the part where I trust the God who knit my people together, knew their thoughts before one of them came to be. I'll trust that God to keep an eye on them and lead them in the life everlasting.

I'll let you know how it goes.