God Is a Terrible Mother

Oddly, I've found myself reading the prophets of late.  Amos, Hosea, and hilariously, Jonah.  Jonah made me laugh out loud.  Poor, poor Jonah.

What strikes me now is what struck me the last time I checked in with ancient Israel's finest:  God is a pansy.  But now with the deeper wisdom that comes with parenting small people (and surely it does bring deeper wisdom, right? there is *some* upside to this journey, isn't there?), I see that it isn't so much a character failing as a Parenting Fail.

There are several thousand books on parenting.  I will save you some time and sum them all up.  Granted I have not read each of them, but I am certain that each, at some point along the way, will say some version of this:  The only thing that matters is that you're consistent.  It doesn't actually matter which philosophy or technique espoused in any given tome - what matters is that you apply said philosophy or technique universally so that your children know what to expect.  Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Consistently.

In fairness, I'm not sure how many parenting books were around for the Creator so maybe (S)He didn't know.  But a quick read of the prophets reveals quite conclusively that The Lord is Not Consistent.  Most certainly, The Lord has not figured out the other cornerstone of parenting, Following Through.

If I had a nickel for every time I AM says "I am done with you! For real! Done! If you don't clean this place up I'm smiting the lot of you!" I'd buy a new couch.  And if I got another nickel for every time that same I AM says, "Okay, well, maybe a few of you can stay. You are my favourites after all, and I love you guys...", I'd get the loveseat and ottoman too.

It is no surprise to any of us who have bothered to actually read about how to raise children that Israel is still in therapy.

Jonah, having survived the old fish ride finally passes along God's famous, "I'm serious this time" to the people in Ninevah and no sooner are the words out his mouth and there goes Ninevah weeping and fasting and promising never to do it again.  And of course, instead of following through, Jehovah relents again and after a bit of a hissy fit and a dying vine or two, Jonah says (this is the part that made me laugh), "I'm so angry at you I could die!"

I know, right?

Now it's possible that this isn't the lesson intended for us in all these prophets' stories.  And while I have enjoyed my initial, not-so-serious-take on it all, in my deepest (or at least deeper) heart, I am relieved.  So very relieved.  Because I know the rules, I know the standard.  And I know I'm not going to make it.  But it looks like maybe even before the whole Jesus Fixes It All part, even in those first stories, even then, God is a God who really is slow to anger and rich in love who has compassion on all that (s)he has made.

And maybe I need that more than consistency and following through.

Or maybe that is Consistent and Following Through.