For reasons both obvious and not-so-obvious to me, I've been a bit obsessive lately with the question, What is the point? Probably a bit about life in general, but a lot about parenting in particular. In the last 24 hours it has begun to bubble over.
First, my Writer Friend wrote a blog post about the wisdom (or not) of letting kids have a vote in this life. It touched a nerve in my Am I Getting This All Wrong joint. I think I want to be authoritative as a parent, except when I want my kids to know their voice matters and has a place in this world. I think I want to teach and guide my children to be contributing, thoughtful, rule-respecting members of society, except when I want my kids to be true to themselves and blaze their own trail and be the change they want to be in the world and all that hoohah (is my bias showing?). The difficulty is that I can't look back and see a generation that got it right, so it seems predetermined that we'll be failing too, no matter which course we choose.
With that bleakness lurking in my heart, I joined our mom's group this morning and listened to a woman share her story of parenting pain and hurt. Her daughter is now 23, and they have lived together a lifetime of Not Ideal and What The F*ck. And yet. And yet there was beauty and goodness in the mess of it - the daughter penning an essay in her GED class about her adopted self being "the gift they didn't give back". Good gravy. So broody, dark-hearted one that I am, my question for Bev was this: After 23 years of all this pain and heartache with no "success" to point to (yet), what would you say the point of all this parenting is for all of us just at the beginning?
She said 'faithfulness'. I think it was a pretty good answer.
But of course, it wasn't enough answer for me, so I've had to dwell on it all afternoon, and now ignore my own children so that I can write it out.
When I related the morning's story to Scott, what struck me was that there was no Moral to the Story or Tidy Life Lesson to pass along. There was just the loveliness of making space for a woman to tell her story and hear outloud her own life one more time, so as better to maybe remember bits and pieces of God's own faithfulness to her that in turn is now her faithfulness to her daughter.
And then I thought, well maybe the point of this life for each of us is to live a story (and hopefully tell it a few times) that reminds us of that same thing - God is faithful.
And then I thought, I wonder if I would parent differently if all I thought I had to remember was that the point is God is Faithful. Or my more usual, God is With Me. I wonder if I would work so hard at getting parenting right if I started living in the part where God is okay with the Wrong because it shows off God's Right so much better.
And then I remembered the only part of the Westminster Catechism that I know: What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy him forever.
Enjoy. Enjoy!
If this is true, then every time Bev tells her story and reminds herself and those of us listening that God has been faithful, that she has been faithful, she glorifies God. And then her only job is enjoy God forever!
So this week I'm going to try to wear my Glorifying God Glasses and try if I can see my life - and several lives around me - a bit differently. What if my story isn't about how I raise Amazing Kids Who Grow Up To Do Amazing Things, but about how I was faithful to them remembering that God was being faithful to me? and then what if seeing things that way made it way easier to enjoy God forever?
You know what I love about my life of faith? That God always talks in Good News. If the voice I hear makes it sounds like life is going to be harder and suckier, it's probably my own dark heart whispering to me; however, if it lightens my load and gives me hope for tomorrow and arrives as Good News, maybe it's that wiley Jesus telling me something Heavenly.
So Bev, thanks for the Good News. I'm off to enjoy God forever and try not to worry about the rest so much. At least until the hockey game starts.
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