A Guide for New Fathers

If your sweet bean decides one night that 3am is the new 8am and celebrates by fussing and houdini-ing her way out of her swaddling and when your wife finally caves and tries to give her some boob to see if maybe that will fake her back into sleeping and the baby gnaws on said boob in such a way that only intensifies the "needles in my eyeballs" pain that is a breastfeeding nipple these days and your wife exclaims, MOTHERFUCKER GET OFF! here is one thing you should not turn over and say:

"The level of your anger concerns me."