For Scott

It is an unusually attractive child, isn't it?

Yes, I have turned into *that* mother. And I'm not even joking. I really do think he/she is one of the prettier ultrasound babies I have seen. Probably the big head makes them a bit cuter than normal. But you see it too, don't you? You know, deep in your heart, that that is one cute baby.

The photo was taken at 20 weeks and we are coming up on 24 this Friday. More than halfway done. Imagine that.

My belly is looking more pregnant too, although on bad days I'm convinced I just look chubby. I am a bit (not) surprised by how much pride I have in my skinny-ness, pride that is only being exposed now that I am not so skinny. The out-of-controlness of the whole body change is a bit disturbing, and I think probably just the first of many experiences like this (yes Mom, I've been listening to your menopause thoughts!).

I am right now loving being pregnant. I love feeling this one move around and make themselves known. It is quite magic-making really - I had no idea. I can sit with my hands on my belly for hours at a time, waiting for any adjustment, any random move. And then when they're not random, when they feel like an orchestrated work-out, I just laugh. The kid cracks me up. What are they doing in there? a full minute of drumming and beating against the walls and I am laughing outloud. It just seems so ... preposterous!

The other day Scott took a listen to the belly but couldn't hear much and decided to start tapping to "wake the baby up". A bad habit that I'm trying to break. Suddenly Scott jumps up laughing - "The baby just kicked me in the face!" What is not to love about that? Our clever child already knows their father is going to be a bit annoying (he/she just kicked - surely in agreement? we are that in tune, the wee one and I).

I asked Scott last night when we forget what a wonderful gift this child is - he suggested I ask my mom, but thought it was probably likely to happen. I must say that even with my better-than-average self-esteem, it's hard to imagine having ever been so completely wonderful to anybody, even my mom. And to extend that to all the difficult people in the world and think that they too were an unimagined delight to their mother, all tucked away in her womb... well, you'd think it would make me a better person really. Not so much, but it does make me glad to have this moment too. So thankful to have this treasured away.

I get a bit sad to think it will pass, to think that once they arrive and make themselves known, they will become less perfect, less wonderful, less-thankful-making.

But not today. Today he/she is perfect and lovely and a source of deep gladness. My fears are less fearfull these days, and for that I am very thankful too.

Okay, is that enough? I think it's all I have for today.