And So it Goes ... into 2009

We started 2008 with a 6-month-old just learning to crawl. We start 2009 with an 18-month-old and a 2 week-old, both lovely in their delightfulness. As we reflect on the last year, I think we're mostly ... well, truthfully? In shock. How the #*ck did this happen to us? I think that would about summarize 2008 in the Caldwell Johnson home.

We had dinner with our friends Dave & Yvonne last night (as well as their 3 kids - a kind crew that make D & Y look good) and were saying that it feels like only a few months ago they were praying with us and our homegroup for babies for our family. How did we turn into a family of four so quickly? One of the Lord's cosmic jokes I think. But family of four we are and now we will spend 2009 figuring out how to be that family. Fingers crossed we all survive it.

What follows are photos of the year that was as a reminder of all that was good and right. We are glad to leave all that was dark and difficult behind us, and glad that that list is short. If you are reading this, you are someone we are thankful for too, someone we're glad to take with us into 2009 (and beyond!). Happy New Year friends.

New Year - Kisses for Mummy; Remodelling the Bathroom with Daddy

March - Hawaii with Uncle Terry and Auntie Chels (and Ellie-to-be) At Uncle Pete and Kathy's Place (we are so lucky)






































Spring - In the yard with Bjorn; SailPast with Daddy in his Awesome Outfit; Finding a Safe Spot on the Boom; Freezing with Mummy




























Summer - First Watermelon in the Pool; Meeting Ellie; Seeing Halia Again and Lots of Boat Trips





















































Fall - Dressing up for Grandma Johnson; Thanksgiving Beaching with Mummy; Wearing the White Coat to Play; Hallowe'en Night








































Christmas - Decorating with Daddy; Meeting Santa





























Last, but of course not Least - NATE!! (with photos by Brooke again)

Nathaniel Alexander: Arrived

Our boy is snuggled up with Dad on this, Night II at home. He is finally named, Nathaniel Alexander and seems to be mostly a Nate so far. He is doing lots of good eating and lots of sleeping and being very 2 days old.

His arrival was lovely, at 1:52am on December 16th. His birth was different from his sister's in most ways, mellower just like I've been thinking he was all through this pregnancy. Although I had lots of contractions all afternoon, I didn't truly go into labour until about 10:30 that night and even at that had very inconsistent labour with long pauses between contractions that left me sure I'd be going home to try again another time. In fact, up until I started pushing, I wasn't convinced he was actually coming at all. Happily Scott and Irene were convinced and ably coached me through and he arrived safe and sound.

So, here are a swack of pictures of his first days so far, including some with sister Talia who is mostly still surprised to see him here.

More to follow as we get them. Oh, and sorry about the formatting - I'm too tired to fix this. I'll be arty-er next time!

What Ready Looks Like, v2.0

I just went back and read the posts from May of 2007, written in the last weeks before Talia was born. I am glad so much of it is familiar, but wonder at my optimism - how unlike me, and unlikely.

Eighteen months later and much is the same. I am in awe of my husband yet again, shouldering so much responsibility for his family and finding reserves to carry me through some of the more rough terrain of these last weeks. He is a better father than I was guessing he would be which is saying something because even before Talia was born I had pretty high expectations of how he was going to do.

This next Johnson also has a fondness for pushing my organs around and yet again, I am so looking forward to meeting this one in the flesh to find out if they are indeed mellower than their sister.

New to the 2008 version is Talia of course. She is hilarious and we are laughing near her a LOT these days. We say often that a sibling can't come fast enough for this girl as she lingers in the centre of the spotlight most of most days. She sings to herself often, likes to grab hands and pull people to where they ought to be, liked colouring until the last crayon got lost, and has at least 4 friends to put to bed before she can fall asleep (Effie the Elephant, Monkey, Bunny and Rabbit - we're not strong namers in the house). She has a lot to say and lots of words to say it with. She will stand in front of something she is not allowed to touch and say, "No, no, no, no. Stop it." She has a special fondness for Daddy and for swimming. Life is best if she can have both at the same time. After all my silly panic, it turns out she is a great eater and eats most things, most times with the current exception of mashed potatoes. She has dates with Grandma on Fridays that she starts asking about on Wednesday. She is friends with Bjorn and Quinn and Chanida and Sam, although friendship looks mostly like playing near another and scheming to take whatever any of the above happen to be enjoying. She sleeps long nights and has one nap in the afternoon and mostly that goes well except when it doesn't but that seems less life-ending now than it used to be. That said, I don't expect to have much patience for 2am wake-ups from her once there are 2 babes in the house so if she's smart she'll commit to staying quiet in bed those nights she wakes before 7:30am. She is a delight and Scott and I get surprised by how much we like her pretty much every day.

She is a tough act to follow though - thus the weeping yesterday (Babe in Belly just started moving around as if to say, "don't I already know it" - smart one, this next one). I had an appointment with Miracle Midwife Irene on Tuesday. We were talking about labour and how I wasn't afraid and yet was somehow carrying a lot of fear with me nonetheless and she asked, "Are you afraid of labour, or of having a second baby and actually becoming a family?" Irene doesn't inspire weeping on her shoulder - she's far too Scottish for that nonsense but I was tempted. Instead, I nodded and said that sounded more accurate and we talked about how different a second labour is and how different a second baby is and she did what she always does and said we'd be fine.

But the next 36 hours have been long. Full of facing the truth that question exposed - I am terrified of the change that lingers around the next corner. We have done well in our transition from 2 to 3, from Couple to Couple with Baby. How can we possibly succeed at moving from Couple with Baby to Family of Four? The money stress has multiplied for all kinds reasons and our house only has 2 bedrooms and the backseat of the Jetta is too small and we get so tired and annoyed so quickly with a daughter who, as you read above, is a delight... how on earth can we do this??

I have worked really hard at not calling this next one Number Two and comparing it to Talia. I don't know that I've succeeded anywhere except in my own mind but I thought somehow I could save them from feeling second for their whole lives if I didn't call them second, didn't put their whole lives after Talia's first-ness. I thought I could find a way to let them just be them, untied from Talia altogether, an entirely new person independent of her and wholly unique.

And last night in the ferry line-up the deepness of my failure at this hit me. This One coming is already Talia's sibling, already the second baby, already being compared to their sister, already getting leftovers. And it broke me. I am so sad for them, that they don't get to be first too. So I cried and Scott ran a bath when we got home and said little while doing much to restore my peace. The sadness remains, but as I write this I am also remembering that we do each get our own journey and our own bag to carry on that journey. Talia's bag is full of the sweetnesses of being first but also the hard parts of carrying our expectations and experiments, plus her own selfness. Babe in Waiting I know carries being second which may or may not be a burden for them, but also has it packed with sweetnesses that I just don't know yet. Heidi's wisdom about anticipating the hard parts being the easy part remains true - we rarely get to know how good the good is going to be all the while being able to guess with some accuracy what will be difficult. It's a painful dilemma until you decide to live in the hope again - hope grown in the truth of life so far, that goodness is coming too.

Our next will be the second-born. May also be the baby of the family. That's about as much as we know. Well that, and they have a sister who is funny (and says so to anyone who will listen) and parents who are a bit nuts but seem to enjoy this family life they've been given. And maybe too, we know that God loves them and has already started whispering to them about who they are and Who He Is. And that is Hope-giving.

PS Thank you to Brooke for the photos.

What a Day

Turning 35 is a big deal. Eclipsed only by my American friends voting for a black man to be their president. When I was born, the Voting Rights Act was only 8 years old. Only 8 years of the local laws and amendments that kept black people from voting in elections in the United States being banned, only 8 years of the United States saying, "When we decided everyone could vote, we meant everyone. Really."

I have lots of deep thoughts about this history being made but they seem trite and silly when I write them down. Suffice it to say that watching the returns last night with Nich and Brynne felt important and necessary and I am thankful for every person who voted.

As for turning 35, my husband gave me the gift of him and Talia and we spent the whole day together. We went to Tommy's for breakfast and then T and SJ went swimming at the pool while I watched from the whale deck. I don't think they call it that really, but when I tried on my bathing suit at home, Scott and I agreed that I would have a better time if I sat fully clothed poolside. Then home for lunch and some lingering during nap time. Then out in the afternoon to find a watch for my present. Then home for indian food and CNN with Nich and Brynne. So dreamy.

Life is lovely.

Lately

Oh my - it has been a good long time since there has been anything new up here. Hallowe'en is as good as reason as any to update though, isn't it? Mostly because there are photos. Following the Caldwell Family tradition of looking down on store-bought costumes, Talia and I slaved away on this year's look - can you guess what she is?


Here's a hint:


Yep! She's dressed up as Uncle Andy! it's hard to tell in the photo but they're both wearing the same t-shirt and green cargo pants. This also carries on our theme of Men We Know from last year when you may recall she dressed up as Uncle Jared.

Again this year, Andrew and Scott were on pumpkin duty. Sadly we didn't actually end up with a pumpkin. Perhaps because I waited until yesterday to buy one, perhaps because as several people mentioned at our door tonight, because 2008 was Year of the Great Pumpkin Shortage. Obviously I am going with the latter.

However, ever-resourceful, Scott and Andy were not to be deterred and went down to the root cellar (read: laundry room) to grab some of our fall harvest and the drill. Soon 2 spaghetti squash had been transformed into Bert and Ernie. If you squint.

While we're here, I'll also throw up some recent-ish pics from our time at Hopkins over Thanksgiving. Katie and Jared were here and we were all together for the weekend which was a nice treat. A little family-immersion for young Talia who doesn't see nearly enough of those 2 but loves 'em lots whenever they're together. Sadly, I have no photos of that though, so this is just Mum, T. and me on the beach.



Next is Talia playing with friend Ellie Crawford. We have done lots of fun stuff with Terry, Chels and Ellie, including a weekend in Tofino and a few dinners together. We like our girls liking each other so much and we're liking friends who want to end the evening in time for bedtime.

Okay, we end with our current favourite, taken by Anna. Last Saturday we went down to Brian and Anna's for morning coffee. Anna pulled out the camera and Talia posed. As you can see, it's kind of an action pose maybe? And she stayed like this until Anna took the picture. I'm laughing just thinking about it. It was very funny and very Talia. She remains a funny, funny girl. Happy Hallowe'en everybody!

Thank You Brooke!

Yesterday marked 15 months of Talia and Brooke dropped by and kindly captured the day on film. So nice. I am mostly shell-shocked that I was this age when Katie was born. I think I'd like to see video footage of those first weeks of Katie's life - how did Mum keep up both alive?

Yesterday I did have a small breakdown facing the reality that in just 3 months there will be 2 of them in our house. I feel a bit stupid for thinking it was possible, and wonder how it is that I will be able to pay attention to them sufficiently to keep them intact. But the crisis was happily shortlived and I mostly find myself looking forward to meeting Talia's sibling and seeing them both turn into each other's family.

I wish Katie was here this week to see what she came home to all those years ago. I'm glad she got to be my family.

A summer's worth

Well, my camera healed itself so I can download the last months' photos and videos. I will caption as necessary. We have had a really lovely summer so far and look forward to more of it before the sun disappears.

Babe II is also doing well, starting to make themselves known. We're at 22 weeks, so more than halfway through - I suspect the next 18 (!!!) weeks will go quickly. The ultrasound came back very normal although this one looks very different from Talia did in her ultrasounds so it's becoming more and more real that we're not actually going to have her again - there is someone new coming! I am really looking forward to meeting them.

Okay, so now for the photo extravaganza ... enjoy!

Sailor Talia at her cutest - anchored at Buccaneer Bay August 08

Off to the beach with Daddy for a morning of sandcastles and snacks.

View from the cockpit at Buccaneer

Proof that Mummy does actually come along on these trips...

Talia's 3 hour nap on the way home!

Feeding Daddy carrots at Elliott Bay

Taking the helm.

Beach at Buccaneer with Daddy.

I like her hand on his shoulder in this photo. She does this a lot these days, just staying connected I guess.

Our girl isn't afraid of the ocean - out on the sandbars with Daddy, happy to let him wander away for a bit, and then wander on back. She played out here for hours.

Tethered up on the docks, which turned out to be necessary after she saw Daddy dipping the bucket in the ocean and thought she could probably do the same. This rig makes sailing and ocean play much for fun for all of us.

Talia's 'bedroom' aboard Cheap Therapy. The crate keeps her from escaping unexpectedly. She naps and sleeps there quite happily with Scott and I take the settees in the salon. It has ended up working out quite well.

Lunch set up at Elliott Bay. We have had some great trips here this summer and look forward to more in the weeks ahead. This trip we left for an afternoon to go visit Mark and Heidi who were at Barnabas Family Camp over on Keats. It was a perfect 3 days of sailing and friends and holidaying.

Okay, Scott doesn't love the soundtrack but this is an awesome capture of our mornings with T. when we go in to get her. I'm glad to have a record of it because it's such a treat, every morning.

Playing aboard Cheap Therapy. A quick clip.

No Pictures

There are several ways we fail as parents and forgetting to take our camera out these days is definitely on the list. Like this weekend, our first sailing overnight of the season would have been a good time to take some photos. Oh well. We'll call it imagination building.

I did want to make sure though, that we have written down at least the loveliness of this weekend. We went up to the Centre Bay outstation on Saturday afternoon and all made it home alive after lunch today. The weather has been the best kind of summer weather - hot and sunny all day long. The outstation was packed with lots of people we know and lots of babes all Talia's age and therefore lots of parents negotiating sleep and food in the heat. As it turned out, we were also probably negotiating more molar teething so our girl was a wicked combination of hot, sleepy and teethy - not an ideal frame of mind, but boat living caught up with her and I think she managed to have fun anyway.

She splashed in a dinghy-turned-swimming-pool with neighbour Quinn and later had a swim in our rubbermaid container. She tried a swim with Daddy off the dock but being lowered into the depths seemed to be a bit more than she could handle so that experiment was short-lived. She slept (after lots of songs and back scratches) in the very forwardest part of the v-berth. I spent the night in there with her but probably "sleep" would be a generous description of my night's activities - T. is a noisy sleeper with lots of tossing and turning to remind us why she has her own room and bed.

It was such a nice weekend and I was just full of thankfulness that this gets to be part of our lives together. Every year we wonder if we can afford to keep the boat, if we're foolish to hold on to something that never gets enough of our time and effort and needs so much of our money and every year after the first trip I think, "Yep, we can do this. This is good for us."

So there it is, that's our first holiday of the year. Lovely, lovely, lovely. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Canada Day Milestones

Wowza. Three in one day. And a national holiday at that. What a girl.

So, first thing, she took 6 steps in a row by herself. Now technically, this a repeat of a trick done on June 28th, but only Scott saw that one so of course it didn't count. Sadly, he was at work on Tuesday and didn't witness this version, so technically it doesn't count either. Ergo, if anyone asks, no she still isn't walking.

Okay, then later in the day we were having dinner at mom and dad's and she ate turkey. Again, something she's done before but I have been feeling quite failure-y about feeding this girl, particularly in the protein/iron department and the meat eating has been very... intermittent? at best. Karen has suggested several times a thick cut of deli meat cut into strips and I have resisted - surely deli meat is a terrible, terrible thing? But alas, I saw organic roast turkey in the Save-On deli counter and decided that since Karen has been right about most things, perhaps I should give it a try. And of course, she LOVES it. Has had it at dinner 3 nights in a row. Between that and the dried apricots and raisins, I think we've got the iron counts covered.

And then finally, my girl signed for the first time. Now we are a bit... let's call it lazy? about signing. Scott is much better at it than I am but we've been at it since she started eating with the basics - please, thank you, more. I had heard that you could expect babes to start picking it up as early as 8 months, maybe more like 10 or 11. So here we are at 13 months with NOTHING. And then came out the bowl of watermelon... and voila, the girl can sign 'more'. Witness the cuteness below.

Quote of the Day

"God really screwed me. He gave me a dancer's heart, but not a dancer's body."

Scott Johnson

Father's Day Lessons

1. Sweet Potatoes do not require as much time in the microwave as regular potatoes.

2. I should probably always live with 2 firefighters so that the likelihood of one being available to extinguish any fires I may or may not set is increased.

3. A fire in a microwave makes that microwave unusable. Every time.*

4. Do not run for help leaving 1 year old daughter alone in home with burning household appliance. Scott was really insistent about this one.

* This lesson is actually a repeat from my last pregnancy when I managed to light Red River cereal on fire in the microwave. We are now at one microwave per pregnancy. Scott says this is why we're only having 2 kids.

I love Father's Day! What a nice day to remember what a good gift my daughter has in her dear old dad. I have said before that I have never really worried about whether or not Scott would be a good father - you just kind of know he would watching him live his life. But I truly had no idea how great a father he would turn out to be.

Partly it's the practical stuff. He just does it all (why does this surprise me? I knew he could, I just didn't think he would...) He does diapers and every single bath time and most bedtimes. He gets up often in the night (happily, this is required less often these days), and does wake up as often as he's home to do it. He changes outfits and chooses meals and packs a mean diaper bag for excursions out. He tells goodnight stories about dream bunnies and sings Jimmy Buffet hits and rocks out in the car.

But mostly, it's the lovely other stuff. He laughs at her jokes, and snuggles her up. He always says, Hello Talia! as he walks in the door and scoops her up for a big hug. He tells her he loves her and how special she is, every night. He delights in who she is, all the time. What could be a better thing for a dad to do for a daughter?

It is a wonderful thing to watch these two love each other. It is truly a very Happy Father's Day for Talia and me.

A few photo hits from this last year...

Riddle

Q: What has 2 arms, 2 legs, a heartbeat of 158 and is coming at Christmas?

A: Talia's competition.

I'm One!!

Today my sweet girl is one! One whole year since she arrived. Such a lovely year, really. It has gone really quickly and nice and slowly all at the same time.

I remember thinking when I was pregnant with her that she was a funny girl, and she really is turning out to be a jokester. She laughs a lot and enjoys a good trick or two. She likes to dance and sing, either along with music or just all on her own. Our friends in Roots of Empathy all say she is very adventurous and I think that's probably true - she is a climber and a tryer-outer of all things. I think she probably gets that from her dad.

She is still an avid crawler and not too keen on walking yet. She is so efficient crawling that i can't really blame her - walking must seem like a terrible hassle. I don't worry about it too much except when I have to clean her shoes and put her back in pants with holes in the knees.

To celebrate her birthday, we had a family celebration on Sunday with Grandma and Grandpa Johnson, Grandma and Poppa, Auntie Barb and Kenny and Caitlynn and Uncle Terry, Auntie Chelsea and baby Ellie. Quite lovely as it turns out. Then today, the actual day, we went into her room together this morning for first cuddles. Daddy told her the story of the day she was born and then they had breakfast. Later that morning, we went swimming with Cezanne and Bjorn and then she went to spend a few hours with Grandma while Mummy had a pedicure! When we got home, there was a brand-new pool in the living room and a card from Daddy (apparently, he wants all the glory?). And then tonight, dinner at the White Spot in honour of the White Spot burgers we had after she was born which was in honour of the White Spot burgers my mum had after I was born.

And now the photos. These are from her birthday party.

Today she is one. Tomorrow, one and a bit. Love it!