God With Us.
We got to the God with Us part today! Poor Joseph, who got so ignored yesterday, fearlessly marries the suspiciously knocked up girlfriend and then agrees to name the babe, Immanuel, God With Us which somehow ends with the kid being called Jesus.
Names matter and we are reminded tonight that we are of a people who name with thought and consideration. And God, our God, chose a name that would remind the babe and everyone who came to know him, God Has Come to Be With Us. This truth is at the centre of my faith - it is the reason I stay in the boat with Sarah and the rest of the fools - the secretish hope that Jesus is in the boat too.
The other thing I love in the story and that we're reminding of in this particular passage, is how required each person is in this story. This isn't a story about Mary. Or about the baby particularly. This is yet another story where God does what God does, drawing each person into the story to remind them that they are known and required and noticed and central while at the very same moment reminding them that they are not at all the point. The story always comes back to God With Us. But the story happens With Us. It's so mysterious and awesome and wonderful. Joseph matters. The shepherds will matter. Those three kings will matter.
I matter.
But mostly? Mostly God matters. See? The Giver, not The Gift.
Matthew 1: 22 - 25
22 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23 “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”—which means, “God with us.”
24 When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25 But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Sunday, December 09, 2012
Advent 9: In Defense of Giving
Unless I turn into a REALLY clever writer in the next half-hour, poor Joseph is getting hijacked by a rant that has been brewing for a long time, but percolated to fullness this morning at church. Probably I should have been listening for the spirit, but the angry lady who lives in my head was louder. Forgive us both.
But first the verses, just in case someone is really reading this for The Word(s) of Faith, and not my relentless self-interested drivel.
Matthew 1: 18 - 21
I will say this: I love how every time an angel shows up in this story, the first words are always, "Don't be afraid!" Always. There is not meant to be fear here. Just good news. If the message you hear at Christmas makes you afraid - afraid you're doing it wrong, afraid you'll miss the good parts, afraid you might be on the wrong side of it all - that message isn't God's message. I don't know who's it is, but it isn't God's. God says, every time, Don't. Be. Afraid.
So, how to tie this to gifts? It's a trick and perhaps not to be done, but good fuck am I tired of presents becoming either The Most Important Thing or The Most Awful Thing. Either we're being asked to buy presents (new unwrapped toys only please) for the poor in our first world nation, or we're being told to give up buying gifts altogether and instead just buy chickens and cows for the nameless poor we've never met but for whom we should be feeling badly for the next few weeks.
I am UP IN ARMS I tell you! Up. In. Arms.
Somehow we have forgotten what the point of it all is - it is not about the Gifts!! It is about the Giver! We give to each other to do our best imitation of the Great Giver, the First Giver, the Only Giver Who Gives Well. We do it to remember how hard it is to get it right, to remember how hard it is do it with a warm, generous heart, to remember how much pleasure there is when we do find a way to get it a little right and give warmly and generously.
We give to our children so that they will learn how to receive. We coach them to look for the love that the gift is given from - that's why all kids in all time have learned to say thank you for even the ugly hand-made sweater from whoever finds the time to knit one! Because we are being thankful that someone, SOMEONE!!! someone loves us enough to try to bring us delight.
If we decide our children have enough stuff and instead ask them to give up receiving and instead be glad to give to the nameless poor a million miles away, we teach them not generosity, but pity. We teach them that their own needs are silly and unimportant, compared to the REAL need somewhere out there that they've not yet seen. Does God ever do that? Does God ever say, "You, you well-off okay person who is sad and lonely - there is someone sadder and lonelier so I'll be giving my best stuff to them and probably you should stop your boohooing and give to them too." Nope. God doesn't. Not one time does Jesus say to someone who stopped him for help, "You? you've already got enough! I'm saving my miracles for someone who needs it more." Not one time.
Because it turns out we all need. The reason why it is so hard for a rich person to get into the Kingdom of Heaven is because it is so hard for them to see that they need anything at all. But in fact, as anyone who has ever not found what they were waiting for under the tree knows, we all want something. We all need something. And our need for whatever that thing is infinite and bottomless and the source of all pain. A need not to be filled in this life. A need Jesus sees in each of us.
So, I get it. That's kind of deep and not so helpful at Christmas: your kid doesn't need anything. They have more than enough toys. More than enough books and clothes and sports equipment. But your kid does need to know that they are noticed. That they are known. That what feels important to them is seen and cared about by the people they are longing to be seen by.
Now the trouble is that in our world, all the focus has landed on The Gift and I join in with all I have to say nope, that's not it. My children will not receive The Best Gift Ever from me. Nor will they be overwhelmed by the Too Much I Can't Focus under a magically lit tree when they wake up in the morning. But they will receive a few small things that we can afford that tell them that we've noticed them and care about the things they love and enjoy. We will point out the love that is behind each gift received from aunts and uncles and grandparents. And we will celebrate the wonder of being worthy of all that love.
And through all of this Advent that brings us to that morning, I'll be saying over and over, Jesus is the Gift that we're really waiting for. Every time. No gift will be the right one the way Jesus is the Right One. But all this anticipation and excitement? That's meant to remind us of how we should feel about the gift God has given in the giving of His Only Begotten Son. (This is a borrow from last year's epiphany here).
So give your children gifts, small modest ones that are a joy to receive and that do not demand being a source of eternal fulfillment. Help your children give what they have to give to the people they've been asked to love.
And then relax. Please, just relax. It's meant to be good news. Good News.
But first the verses, just in case someone is really reading this for The Word(s) of Faith, and not my relentless self-interested drivel.
Matthew 1: 18 - 21
18 This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. 19 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”
I will say this: I love how every time an angel shows up in this story, the first words are always, "Don't be afraid!" Always. There is not meant to be fear here. Just good news. If the message you hear at Christmas makes you afraid - afraid you're doing it wrong, afraid you'll miss the good parts, afraid you might be on the wrong side of it all - that message isn't God's message. I don't know who's it is, but it isn't God's. God says, every time, Don't. Be. Afraid.
So, how to tie this to gifts? It's a trick and perhaps not to be done, but good fuck am I tired of presents becoming either The Most Important Thing or The Most Awful Thing. Either we're being asked to buy presents (new unwrapped toys only please) for the poor in our first world nation, or we're being told to give up buying gifts altogether and instead just buy chickens and cows for the nameless poor we've never met but for whom we should be feeling badly for the next few weeks.
I am UP IN ARMS I tell you! Up. In. Arms.
Somehow we have forgotten what the point of it all is - it is not about the Gifts!! It is about the Giver! We give to each other to do our best imitation of the Great Giver, the First Giver, the Only Giver Who Gives Well. We do it to remember how hard it is to get it right, to remember how hard it is do it with a warm, generous heart, to remember how much pleasure there is when we do find a way to get it a little right and give warmly and generously.
We give to our children so that they will learn how to receive. We coach them to look for the love that the gift is given from - that's why all kids in all time have learned to say thank you for even the ugly hand-made sweater from whoever finds the time to knit one! Because we are being thankful that someone, SOMEONE!!! someone loves us enough to try to bring us delight.
If we decide our children have enough stuff and instead ask them to give up receiving and instead be glad to give to the nameless poor a million miles away, we teach them not generosity, but pity. We teach them that their own needs are silly and unimportant, compared to the REAL need somewhere out there that they've not yet seen. Does God ever do that? Does God ever say, "You, you well-off okay person who is sad and lonely - there is someone sadder and lonelier so I'll be giving my best stuff to them and probably you should stop your boohooing and give to them too." Nope. God doesn't. Not one time does Jesus say to someone who stopped him for help, "You? you've already got enough! I'm saving my miracles for someone who needs it more." Not one time.
Because it turns out we all need. The reason why it is so hard for a rich person to get into the Kingdom of Heaven is because it is so hard for them to see that they need anything at all. But in fact, as anyone who has ever not found what they were waiting for under the tree knows, we all want something. We all need something. And our need for whatever that thing is infinite and bottomless and the source of all pain. A need not to be filled in this life. A need Jesus sees in each of us.
So, I get it. That's kind of deep and not so helpful at Christmas: your kid doesn't need anything. They have more than enough toys. More than enough books and clothes and sports equipment. But your kid does need to know that they are noticed. That they are known. That what feels important to them is seen and cared about by the people they are longing to be seen by.
Now the trouble is that in our world, all the focus has landed on The Gift and I join in with all I have to say nope, that's not it. My children will not receive The Best Gift Ever from me. Nor will they be overwhelmed by the Too Much I Can't Focus under a magically lit tree when they wake up in the morning. But they will receive a few small things that we can afford that tell them that we've noticed them and care about the things they love and enjoy. We will point out the love that is behind each gift received from aunts and uncles and grandparents. And we will celebrate the wonder of being worthy of all that love.
And through all of this Advent that brings us to that morning, I'll be saying over and over, Jesus is the Gift that we're really waiting for. Every time. No gift will be the right one the way Jesus is the Right One. But all this anticipation and excitement? That's meant to remind us of how we should feel about the gift God has given in the giving of His Only Begotten Son. (This is a borrow from last year's epiphany here).
So give your children gifts, small modest ones that are a joy to receive and that do not demand being a source of eternal fulfillment. Help your children give what they have to give to the people they've been asked to love.
And then relax. Please, just relax. It's meant to be good news. Good News.
Saturday, December 08, 2012
Advent 8
"How can I be sure of this?" doesn't sound that much different from "How will this be?" And yet. And yet they are apparently different enough that one lands poor Zechariah in time out and the other gets Mary a "Good girl, all will be well." I guess that really it's Gabriel who appears to be the fickle one - to Zechariah he says, "I AM GABRIEL. I SAID SO." Maybe he was predisposed to dislike the guy as opposed to Mary who was already highly favoured before Gabriel even shows up. Regardless, I think I will practice my "How will this be?" instead of carrying on with my "How can I be sure?"
I like how a little bit of diligence and sticking it out always proves useful when hanging out with the Word. I can't think of a time a little lingering hasn't brought some Peace and Rest back to where Unruly Despair was threatening to move in.
Jesus is coming and once I can become a "How will these be" person, I intend to then start practicing being a "May it be to me as you have said" person.
Oh Advent. Loving this.
Luke 1: 26 - 38
I like how a little bit of diligence and sticking it out always proves useful when hanging out with the Word. I can't think of a time a little lingering hasn't brought some Peace and Rest back to where Unruly Despair was threatening to move in.
Jesus is coming and once I can become a "How will these be" person, I intend to then start practicing being a "May it be to me as you have said" person.
Oh Advent. Loving this.
Luke 1: 26 - 38
26 In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27 to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. 31 You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.”
34 “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”
35 The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called[c] the Son of God. 36 Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. 37 For nothing is impossible with God.”
38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.” Then the angel left her.
Friday, December 07, 2012
Advent 7
Well, it turns out that Zechariah doesn't believe the angel that tells him that his very, very old wife is going to have a baby. Oddly, the kids were underwhelmed.
But I liked the part where John is sent ahead to prepare the way. Because I like thinking about all this preparing. I like thinking about it because it's the part I get to keep for me and Jesus. Despite my ever-fragile-yet-intact faith, or maybe because of it, I like spending every day in December spending at least part of my day thinking about what it means for Jesus to show up instead of thinking about all the other parts of Christmas that are a bit less... lighty.
I don't have any other deep thought for today because I put my back out like the old lady I am and want to mostly feel sorry for me and maybe eat ice cream.
So yesterday and today's reading:
Luke 1: 11 - 25
11 Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. 12 When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. 13 But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. 14 He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, 15 for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from birth.[b] 16 Many of the people of Israel will he bring back to the Lord their God. 17 And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”
18 Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.”
19 The angel answered, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. 20 And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time.”
21 Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and wondering why he stayed so long in the temple. 22 When he came out, he could not speak to them. They realized he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak.
23 When his time of service was completed, he returned home. 24 After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. 25 “The Lord has done this for me,” she said. “In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.”
But I liked the part where John is sent ahead to prepare the way. Because I like thinking about all this preparing. I like thinking about it because it's the part I get to keep for me and Jesus. Despite my ever-fragile-yet-intact faith, or maybe because of it, I like spending every day in December spending at least part of my day thinking about what it means for Jesus to show up instead of thinking about all the other parts of Christmas that are a bit less... lighty.
I don't have any other deep thought for today because I put my back out like the old lady I am and want to mostly feel sorry for me and maybe eat ice cream.
So yesterday and today's reading:
Luke 1: 11 - 25
11 Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. 12 When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. 13 But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. 14 He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, 15 for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from birth.[b] 16 Many of the people of Israel will he bring back to the Lord their God. 17 And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”
18 Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.”
19 The angel answered, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. 20 And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time.”
21 Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and wondering why he stayed so long in the temple. 22 When he came out, he could not speak to them. They realized he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak.
23 When his time of service was completed, he returned home. 24 After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. 25 “The Lord has done this for me,” she said. “In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.”
Thursday, December 06, 2012
Advent 6
Fail.
Just didn't happen. But my friend Sarah commented and wants to go to Alaska with me and my friend Karen commented and is more faith-full than most of my faithful friends and that feels like really good lovin' from the heavens so I'm going to rest in that this 6th day of preparing.
I will say this though: thinking of each day of this month, and all that each of those days as a day to prepare for Jesus showing up instead of thinking of it as a day to Get Ready For Christmas! in some kind of shopping-orgy, family-obligation, when-will-it-end kind of way is really nice.
Really nice.
Just didn't happen. But my friend Sarah commented and wants to go to Alaska with me and my friend Karen commented and is more faith-full than most of my faithful friends and that feels like really good lovin' from the heavens so I'm going to rest in that this 6th day of preparing.
I will say this though: thinking of each day of this month, and all that each of those days as a day to prepare for Jesus showing up instead of thinking of it as a day to Get Ready For Christmas! in some kind of shopping-orgy, family-obligation, when-will-it-end kind of way is really nice.
Really nice.
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
Advent 5
Total cliffhanger this morning - T wanted to keep reading but I knew the rest of the story was tomorrow's reading so I made her live with the mystery.
Before I leave you hanging, I wanted to pass along that I am managing to weather Faith Crisis 2012 fairly well. Mostly because at some point since my 19th birthday, I kind of decided I was at home aboard this ship of fools, and if we're all idiots, at least we're all idiots trying to figure out how to love a bit better and live like light people. Isn't there something about the light being in the dark and the darkness doesn't understand it from a few days ago? My darkness doesn't understand the light sometimes, and it's totally possible it's a train and not Jesus afterall, but until I'm roadrunnered across the front of that train, I'm going to stick with the Jesus possibility and hope life is richer for it. You know?
Also, Sarah is on the ship, and who doesn't want to be on a cruise with her?
So, back to the big adventure from the book of crazy we call The Word:
Luke 1: 5 - 10
See what I mean? Some homeschooler mom posted this list of verses I'm working from. I'm guessing she had an 8 year old boy desperate for some intrigue...
Before I leave you hanging, I wanted to pass along that I am managing to weather Faith Crisis 2012 fairly well. Mostly because at some point since my 19th birthday, I kind of decided I was at home aboard this ship of fools, and if we're all idiots, at least we're all idiots trying to figure out how to love a bit better and live like light people. Isn't there something about the light being in the dark and the darkness doesn't understand it from a few days ago? My darkness doesn't understand the light sometimes, and it's totally possible it's a train and not Jesus afterall, but until I'm roadrunnered across the front of that train, I'm going to stick with the Jesus possibility and hope life is richer for it. You know?
Also, Sarah is on the ship, and who doesn't want to be on a cruise with her?
So, back to the big adventure from the book of crazy we call The Word:
Luke 1: 5 - 10
5 In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. 6 Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commandments and regulations blamelessly. 7 But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well along in years.
8 Once when Zechariah’s division was on duty and he was serving as priest before God, 9 he was chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. 10 And when the time for the burning of incense came, all the assembled worshipers were praying outside.
See what I mean? Some homeschooler mom posted this list of verses I'm working from. I'm guessing she had an 8 year old boy desperate for some intrigue...
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Advent 4
Advent may have taken a turn today. Probably just a temporary set back.
We read Jeremiah 33: 14 - 16. I like Jeremiah a lot. I mean usually I really, really like it a lot. But today I found myself pondering not the awesomeness of Jesus, but the hard-to-ignoreness of the part where he was kind of a let-down. Isaiah and Jeremiah (and probably a few others) all mention this great Saviour coming and go on and on about how awesome he's going to be and how great it's going to be for Israel or Judah or Jerusalem and how his kingdom is going to go forever.
But it didn't. It didn't even really start. And it's not really like it was ambiguous or a metaphor. The words say, "The government will be upon his shoulders" and "he will rule with righteousness and justice" or like today, "Jerusalem will live in safety". Jerusalem isn't safe. Hasn't been for years. I don't even think it was when Jesus lived, never mind when he died.
This afternoon, N. asked me to read from his kid bible, and we end up at the ascension, where Jesus says to his guys, the one he loves SO much: "Don't worry! Seriously. I'm going up to a heaven where I'm getting all the many, many rooms ready, and then I'll be RIGHT BACK!"
It's been about 2000 years.
I can't help but think somewhere in the cosmos, some version of the heavens is shaking its head and saying, "I can't believe they fell for it."
A major faith crisis is probably not really the ideal Advent outcome. I'm not really going to indulge it because I'm not-yet-but-almost-40 and who has time for that any more. But I sure wish one my pastory, learned type friends would pass on something comforting about how it is that we've gone this long believing that Jesus is the Truth when it would appear to anyone doing a very basic reading of the text, that he was kind of a liar pants.
So, fingers crossed for something catchy and faith-assuring tomorrow. Until then, I leave you with Jeremiah.
Jeremiah 33: 14 -16
14 “‘The days are coming,’ declares the Lord, ‘when I will fulfill the good promise I made to the people of Israel and Judah.
15 “‘In those days and at that time
I will make a righteous Branch sprout from David’s line;
he will do what is just and right in the land.
16 In those days Judah will be saved
and Jerusalem will live in safety.
This is the name by which it will be called:
The Lord Our Righteous Savior.’
We read Jeremiah 33: 14 - 16. I like Jeremiah a lot. I mean usually I really, really like it a lot. But today I found myself pondering not the awesomeness of Jesus, but the hard-to-ignoreness of the part where he was kind of a let-down. Isaiah and Jeremiah (and probably a few others) all mention this great Saviour coming and go on and on about how awesome he's going to be and how great it's going to be for Israel or Judah or Jerusalem and how his kingdom is going to go forever.
But it didn't. It didn't even really start. And it's not really like it was ambiguous or a metaphor. The words say, "The government will be upon his shoulders" and "he will rule with righteousness and justice" or like today, "Jerusalem will live in safety". Jerusalem isn't safe. Hasn't been for years. I don't even think it was when Jesus lived, never mind when he died.
This afternoon, N. asked me to read from his kid bible, and we end up at the ascension, where Jesus says to his guys, the one he loves SO much: "Don't worry! Seriously. I'm going up to a heaven where I'm getting all the many, many rooms ready, and then I'll be RIGHT BACK!"
It's been about 2000 years.
I can't help but think somewhere in the cosmos, some version of the heavens is shaking its head and saying, "I can't believe they fell for it."
A major faith crisis is probably not really the ideal Advent outcome. I'm not really going to indulge it because I'm not-yet-but-almost-40 and who has time for that any more. But I sure wish one my pastory, learned type friends would pass on something comforting about how it is that we've gone this long believing that Jesus is the Truth when it would appear to anyone doing a very basic reading of the text, that he was kind of a liar pants.
So, fingers crossed for something catchy and faith-assuring tomorrow. Until then, I leave you with Jeremiah.
Jeremiah 33: 14 -16
14 “‘The days are coming,’ declares the Lord, ‘when I will fulfill the good promise I made to the people of Israel and Judah.
15 “‘In those days and at that time
I will make a righteous Branch sprout from David’s line;
he will do what is just and right in the land.
16 In those days Judah will be saved
and Jerusalem will live in safety.
This is the name by which it will be called:
The Lord Our Righteous Savior.’
Monday, December 03, 2012
Advent 3
This day's Adventing was a bit complicated. The passage itself was complicated, but my heart was complicated too. We'd been at a holiday party the night before and it became a night that left me feeling Not Right this morning. I've had a hard time pinning down exactly what was Not Right about it all but at the end of it, I think I just felt... sinful. Such a hard, not-used word in my life. But maybe accurate.
Mostly certainly there was no righteousness. Or at least very little of it. And as I read today's passage again tonight, it occurs to me that if there is no sin, no brokeness, then there's no need for Jesus. He wouldn't have had to show up if we were all getting it right, you know? And last night I didn't get it all right. And there was no fix for it, save confessing and repenting and leaning into Jesus with a contrite heart. I would rather have been awesome last night, but I find myself gladdened to see that indeed all things do work for good and that even my mis-steps still step me closer to Jesus.
Today's passage is super long, so I'm only typing the first few verses but all of it was good, good, good. I am finding all this time in the Bible illuminating, maybe because I do it so rarely. Regardless, it turns out that this little Bible of mine feels like home. Still.
Isaiah 11: 1 - 10
Mostly certainly there was no righteousness. Or at least very little of it. And as I read today's passage again tonight, it occurs to me that if there is no sin, no brokeness, then there's no need for Jesus. He wouldn't have had to show up if we were all getting it right, you know? And last night I didn't get it all right. And there was no fix for it, save confessing and repenting and leaning into Jesus with a contrite heart. I would rather have been awesome last night, but I find myself gladdened to see that indeed all things do work for good and that even my mis-steps still step me closer to Jesus.
Today's passage is super long, so I'm only typing the first few verses but all of it was good, good, good. I am finding all this time in the Bible illuminating, maybe because I do it so rarely. Regardless, it turns out that this little Bible of mine feels like home. Still.
Isaiah 11: 1 - 10
A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit. The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him - the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord - and he will delight in the fear of the Lord. (1 - 3)
Sunday, December 02, 2012
Advent 2
More Advent! Our mornings this weekend have been opening our day's advent card, finding out what our activity will be (things already planned and must-dos that are now Advent-dos) and then reading the Bible verse. I have realized that I have never read to my kids from a "real" Bible until now - we've only ever read children's bibles together. So not only do we hear the Good News but my kids are finding out how the Bible is set up and what chapters and verses are... I feel a bit bad-mother-y for not having shown them a bit sooner.
Anyway, once we've found and read the verse, we get to hang up one of the decorations on Grandma Johnson's Advent Calendar and suddenly our morning has had Christmas anticipation, the Word and Family! So great.
And so, today's meditation:
Isaiah 9: 2 - 7
I could go on and on and on. This passage made my heart glad. Deep-down glad. I hope we all know what sweet relief and joy it is to be walking in darkness, in the shadow of death even, and to see, finally, a great light. To see light dawning. We do feel bigger, more of our own selves and our hearts rejoice, leap and dance with the goodness of it all.
That's what Jesus coming is! That light, the light that saved you, that light is Jesus showing up. Every time. Probably even if we think that light is the right medication or a restored friendship or a child becoming possible, probably that's all still Jesus.
And once Light comes, we get to burn all the stuff that got wrecked while we stumbled around in the dark. I think I so often keep a few mementos of that journey, you know, just in case I need that outfit or those boots for later. But this Light - This Light. This Light is everlasting and the promise is we can be done with all of the rest. I don't know how to make sense of this when I think about how regularly I re-feel the darkness, but I like wondering about it.
And then I like remembering who arrives! A child. A wonderful counselor - the source of all wisdom and True. Mighty God. Everlasting Father. Prince of Peace. Peace. A strong, always-around source of our rest. That's who we get. That's who we're waiting for all over again, and then receiving again. That is who we celebrate.
Finally, these last verses are always to me, the part that explains everyone who can't bring themselves to love Jesus: doesn't this say he will take over the whole government? doesn't this say his kingdom will be upheld forever? That day Jesus died and he wasn't in charge of anything and all the people who loved him were left empty-handed and not in power and not in charge and not kingdom-makers - that day, this felt like a lie.
Again, I don't really know how to explain that one. I'm quite certain super-smart scholarly types have really good books about it all. What I do know is the promise that living in Jesus' kingdom means living under justice and righteousness - that part is Good News to this heart.
Good News indeed.
Anyway, once we've found and read the verse, we get to hang up one of the decorations on Grandma Johnson's Advent Calendar and suddenly our morning has had Christmas anticipation, the Word and Family! So great.
And so, today's meditation:
Isaiah 9: 2 - 7
The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.
You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as people rejoice when dividing the plunder.
For as in the day of Midian's defeat, you have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor.
Every warrior's boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire.
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government shall be upon his shoulders.
And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end.
He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.
I could go on and on and on. This passage made my heart glad. Deep-down glad. I hope we all know what sweet relief and joy it is to be walking in darkness, in the shadow of death even, and to see, finally, a great light. To see light dawning. We do feel bigger, more of our own selves and our hearts rejoice, leap and dance with the goodness of it all.
That's what Jesus coming is! That light, the light that saved you, that light is Jesus showing up. Every time. Probably even if we think that light is the right medication or a restored friendship or a child becoming possible, probably that's all still Jesus.
And once Light comes, we get to burn all the stuff that got wrecked while we stumbled around in the dark. I think I so often keep a few mementos of that journey, you know, just in case I need that outfit or those boots for later. But this Light - This Light. This Light is everlasting and the promise is we can be done with all of the rest. I don't know how to make sense of this when I think about how regularly I re-feel the darkness, but I like wondering about it.
And then I like remembering who arrives! A child. A wonderful counselor - the source of all wisdom and True. Mighty God. Everlasting Father. Prince of Peace. Peace. A strong, always-around source of our rest. That's who we get. That's who we're waiting for all over again, and then receiving again. That is who we celebrate.
Finally, these last verses are always to me, the part that explains everyone who can't bring themselves to love Jesus: doesn't this say he will take over the whole government? doesn't this say his kingdom will be upheld forever? That day Jesus died and he wasn't in charge of anything and all the people who loved him were left empty-handed and not in power and not in charge and not kingdom-makers - that day, this felt like a lie.
Again, I don't really know how to explain that one. I'm quite certain super-smart scholarly types have really good books about it all. What I do know is the promise that living in Jesus' kingdom means living under justice and righteousness - that part is Good News to this heart.
Good News indeed.
Saturday, December 01, 2012
Advent 1
Advent! December first is the first day of the season set aside for preparing for Jesus to arrive and the first day of holiday-people-management. I so love the one and so fail at the other. These two opposites collide and wiley Jesus does what he does with a paradox and meets me right in the middle of their debris.
And so, I will walk my heart and mind into the waiting for Jesus part and hopefully walk them out of the rest and so get to Christmas day full of celebration and thanksgiving instead of despair and hopelessness. Light! Light is coming and so I'll keep my eyes open for the cracks and creases through which it is making its way and most surely, be better for it.
Care to join me?
John 1:15
The light shines in the darkness. That's what is on its way: a light that makes no sense to my darkness, to this world's darkness.
What wonder! What reason for praise!
Light I saw today: the generous giving to children at a Christmas party; a friend answering the phone to tell me I will get through the hilarity that is this time of year; my husband's dad having a second of sad doing one more thing without his wife, the woman who loved all of this. Light is sneaking in. May I have eyes to see it.
Amen.
And so, I will walk my heart and mind into the waiting for Jesus part and hopefully walk them out of the rest and so get to Christmas day full of celebration and thanksgiving instead of despair and hopelessness. Light! Light is coming and so I'll keep my eyes open for the cracks and creases through which it is making its way and most surely, be better for it.
Care to join me?
John 1:15
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of humanity. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."
The light shines in the darkness. That's what is on its way: a light that makes no sense to my darkness, to this world's darkness.
What wonder! What reason for praise!
Light I saw today: the generous giving to children at a Christmas party; a friend answering the phone to tell me I will get through the hilarity that is this time of year; my husband's dad having a second of sad doing one more thing without his wife, the woman who loved all of this. Light is sneaking in. May I have eyes to see it.
Amen.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Joylight
I am loving this time of year. So much. I've got me some Joys going on. I love all this dark that makes the light so necessary, that has me watching so closely for new light to sneak into all that early-arriving, slow-to-leave dark. The light comes in the morning, red and orange and pink. It arrives saphire with hints of green in the early evening. It arrives in an explosion of bright at the end of a match and then shares itself with the short wicks of my Ikea tea lights. It reflects off unexpected surfaces and every time, it makes my heart glad. And oddly, it leaves me loving the dark. Because of course, without all this dark, how would I see the light?
At the very same time, I find myself slowly crawling out of the darks, or did I call them the Bleaks? Whatever their name, it is that dank and dingy spot at the bottom of my soul where it's hard to see what good or right or worthwhile. So often it's just horomonal residue that blocks the light, but always - heavy and awful. And temporary. I think at the time I even said, I mostly know, so temporary.
But now, as we inch into Advent and train our hearts to prepare for The Light that is coming, all that dark creaks and cracks and the light starts to sneak back in. And it is the best kind of magic.
There is light sneaking in to being mom this week, little spots of light that illuminate their hilarity, their sweet kindnesses to each other, their okay-ness. There is light sneaking into church-life, cracks in the wall I built between me and community for a few years, cracks that light wiggles through, landing on love and togetherness. Light is sliding under the door to our marriage, and the room becomes brighter with gentleness and gratitude. Light is bending around the corner of my journey from wanting to being, and I find myself being a bit more disciplined, a bit more active, a bit more faith-full.
All this light. It's Jesus coming! Jesus is coming and we get to spend days and days remembering together what a good gift that is, all that Light showing up right in the middle of the darkest dark, right when we all thought all was lost, that there was not another reason to squint at the was-it-always-dark horizon. Right then, Jesus showed up, and keeps on showing up.
It is joy for me. Every time.
At the very same time, I find myself slowly crawling out of the darks, or did I call them the Bleaks? Whatever their name, it is that dank and dingy spot at the bottom of my soul where it's hard to see what good or right or worthwhile. So often it's just horomonal residue that blocks the light, but always - heavy and awful. And temporary. I think at the time I even said, I mostly know, so temporary.
But now, as we inch into Advent and train our hearts to prepare for The Light that is coming, all that dark creaks and cracks and the light starts to sneak back in. And it is the best kind of magic.
There is light sneaking in to being mom this week, little spots of light that illuminate their hilarity, their sweet kindnesses to each other, their okay-ness. There is light sneaking into church-life, cracks in the wall I built between me and community for a few years, cracks that light wiggles through, landing on love and togetherness. Light is sliding under the door to our marriage, and the room becomes brighter with gentleness and gratitude. Light is bending around the corner of my journey from wanting to being, and I find myself being a bit more disciplined, a bit more active, a bit more faith-full.
All this light. It's Jesus coming! Jesus is coming and we get to spend days and days remembering together what a good gift that is, all that Light showing up right in the middle of the darkest dark, right when we all thought all was lost, that there was not another reason to squint at the was-it-always-dark horizon. Right then, Jesus showed up, and keeps on showing up.
It is joy for me. Every time.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Growing Up
Most of my life, I walk through the day feeling about 17. Then sometimes, 27. But mostly 17.
I was in line at the liquor store this week, and the woman in front of me was asked for ID. And as she pulled out her drivers license and smirked at her date, it hit me: "I'm not going to get ID'd." Like not even close. One wine store has a sign that says "We ID anyone under 30." That was 10 year ago. Ten. Okay, well, nine. But nine is basically 10, so yeah, TEN YEARS.
One thing about 30 being 10 years ago is that even though I feel all 17 and inexperienced and not to be taken seriously and beginnery, in fact, I do kind of know what I'm doing. There are not too many situations left where I am completely clueless. And I forget that feeling capable is one of the benefits of all that experience I've accumulated.
I am capable of raising children and registering them for swimming lessons and helping them when they aren't capable themselves. I am capable of apologizing when I am wrong and I am capable of redress and restoration. I am capable of research and answer finding and more importantly I am capable of recognizing when I need to do some research and answer finding. I am capable of saying how I feel in a big-girl voice. I am capable of letting things go and holding on to what matters. I am capable of knowing the difference.
The difficulty is the gap between being capable and feeling capable. Walking through this life feeling 17 means that I often bump into situations where I ought to be capable, but I've forgotten that I am and so I act as though I am not and then chaos ensues. Or at least misery for someone near me.
As I edge to being more of who I have been hoping I might one day be, I bet remembering that I am capable is going to helpful.
I was in line at the liquor store this week, and the woman in front of me was asked for ID. And as she pulled out her drivers license and smirked at her date, it hit me: "I'm not going to get ID'd." Like not even close. One wine store has a sign that says "We ID anyone under 30." That was 10 year ago. Ten. Okay, well, nine. But nine is basically 10, so yeah, TEN YEARS.
One thing about 30 being 10 years ago is that even though I feel all 17 and inexperienced and not to be taken seriously and beginnery, in fact, I do kind of know what I'm doing. There are not too many situations left where I am completely clueless. And I forget that feeling capable is one of the benefits of all that experience I've accumulated.
I am capable of raising children and registering them for swimming lessons and helping them when they aren't capable themselves. I am capable of apologizing when I am wrong and I am capable of redress and restoration. I am capable of research and answer finding and more importantly I am capable of recognizing when I need to do some research and answer finding. I am capable of saying how I feel in a big-girl voice. I am capable of letting things go and holding on to what matters. I am capable of knowing the difference.
The difficulty is the gap between being capable and feeling capable. Walking through this life feeling 17 means that I often bump into situations where I ought to be capable, but I've forgotten that I am and so I act as though I am not and then chaos ensues. Or at least misery for someone near me.
As I edge to being more of who I have been hoping I might one day be, I bet remembering that I am capable is going to helpful.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Prolific
Right now, this is all about volume. Just getting words down. Because sometimes wanting to be a writer is no substitute for actually you know, writing.
There is much in life that is like this. Maybe all of life is like this.
I have heard before about how we ought to stop with all the thinking and really get down to the doing. I am saying it differently for me this year: I want to stop with all the wanting and really get down to the being.
Some of this is about living in the moment and being present and all that mumbo jumbo. But a lot of it is about figuring out the nature of change.
It is really, really, really difficult to convince someone else to change their minds. It turns out most of us want to stay just the way we are. Fucking Mr. Rogers - look what he's created. All of us sure and certain that what we think and how we act as a result is perfectly fine.
But of course, we're not perfectly fine. Most of us could use some fine tuning. Many of us could use a major overhaul. And yet we're so reluctant, so reticent to make any adjustment at all because to do so would require first the concession that just the way we are is maybe kind of... crappy.
But to change how we are being, we have to change how we are thinking. In case that's not clear, we have to change our mind. Which brings it back to the part where it's really, really, really difficult to convince someone else to change their minds. The only thing harder is convincing our own selves to change our own minds.
Right now, I'm trying to change my mind about a few things: writing, exercise, marriage, parenting, church. I have tried for a few years now to read new things and talk to new people and even write new things on all of these, but so far my mind is mostly still the same. So this time, I'm going with being differently. I'm starting with writing to see if writing more often will change my mind about whether or not I'm a writer. Next week I'm going to try exercising to see if being someone who strengthens her body will actually make me strong.
I'll let you know how it goes. If my mind can be changed... well, maybe I'll be friends with Mr. Rogers after all.
There is much in life that is like this. Maybe all of life is like this.
I have heard before about how we ought to stop with all the thinking and really get down to the doing. I am saying it differently for me this year: I want to stop with all the wanting and really get down to the being.
Some of this is about living in the moment and being present and all that mumbo jumbo. But a lot of it is about figuring out the nature of change.
It is really, really, really difficult to convince someone else to change their minds. It turns out most of us want to stay just the way we are. Fucking Mr. Rogers - look what he's created. All of us sure and certain that what we think and how we act as a result is perfectly fine.
But of course, we're not perfectly fine. Most of us could use some fine tuning. Many of us could use a major overhaul. And yet we're so reluctant, so reticent to make any adjustment at all because to do so would require first the concession that just the way we are is maybe kind of... crappy.
But to change how we are being, we have to change how we are thinking. In case that's not clear, we have to change our mind. Which brings it back to the part where it's really, really, really difficult to convince someone else to change their minds. The only thing harder is convincing our own selves to change our own minds.
Right now, I'm trying to change my mind about a few things: writing, exercise, marriage, parenting, church. I have tried for a few years now to read new things and talk to new people and even write new things on all of these, but so far my mind is mostly still the same. So this time, I'm going with being differently. I'm starting with writing to see if writing more often will change my mind about whether or not I'm a writer. Next week I'm going to try exercising to see if being someone who strengthens her body will actually make me strong.
I'll let you know how it goes. If my mind can be changed... well, maybe I'll be friends with Mr. Rogers after all.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
We're Richer Than We Think
Today the kids and I stopped at our snack spot for some smoothie and banana bread. I paged through the local daily and the boy asked what I was reading about. As it turned out, the teaser was "The Vanishing Middle Class" and the article was summarizing a recent study that shows that since 1970, poverty and affluence have each and both deepened and moved, with poverty suburbanizing and affluence taking over city centres and of course, all the nice parts.
Once I explained what the word "vanishing" means, I then I had to reassure the boy that we weren't going to disappear: no matter what, we're still visible, our little family.
Next was giving the preschool version of class divisions: the rich are the people who have more than they need and the poor are the people who don't have what they need and the middle class are the people who are just right. And then I did my quick sermon about how the world works best when the people who more than they need can share with the people who dno't have what they need.
And then my girl said, "We're rich, right mom?"
Right.
Once I explained what the word "vanishing" means, I then I had to reassure the boy that we weren't going to disappear: no matter what, we're still visible, our little family.
Next was giving the preschool version of class divisions: the rich are the people who have more than they need and the poor are the people who don't have what they need and the middle class are the people who are just right. And then I did my quick sermon about how the world works best when the people who more than they need can share with the people who dno't have what they need.
And then my girl said, "We're rich, right mom?"
Right.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Here
One friend is celebrating the 10 year anniversary of her first child's birth-death. Celebrating seems like an awkward word for such a day, and yet, celebration it is. A celebration of a life needing to be remembered and a celebration of all the good life that has been lived ever since that day when it seemed certain there could be no good life left.
Another friend is hunkered down with her beloved, grieving a death in which he is too entangled, a death that came from nowhere but is now taking up all the space everywhere.
It is a day that feels a bit heavier than usual - November is full of them I guess. There is a lot of hard that happens for people I love in November and maybe it's a grace that the days are short so there is less daylight to be ruined by the ugh of it all.
Right in the middle of all this dark and bleak though, is my favourite holiday - American Thanksgiving. Right in the middle of being certain that the sun is not be seen again, right in the middle of reliving the deaths of dearly beloveds and the birthdays of newly-gones, right in the middle of all this dark is a day of thankfulness and celebration.
Thank God.
I'm going to make a turkey this year. I'm going to celebrate it, the one holiday left where gifts aren't exchanged but where every American person I know goes out of their way to be with the ones they love to share a meal and then play. Or relax. Or play then relax. But always a meal, and always with, and never gifts. I'll ignore the part where they're polluting it with Black Fridays and Target being open on Thursday. I'll ignore the ugly so that my heart can enjoy the goodness of being Thankful right in the middle of this mess.
And then the day after? the day after I'll start my advent advent. I'll bring out a few more candles. I'll hang the Advent calendar on the wall. Maybe put some green on the mantle. And we'll start easing our way to the the darkest night that brings with it The Light. And I'm going to sink into all of it with my freshly grateful heart and let the dark be so that I can see The Light.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Another friend is hunkered down with her beloved, grieving a death in which he is too entangled, a death that came from nowhere but is now taking up all the space everywhere.
It is a day that feels a bit heavier than usual - November is full of them I guess. There is a lot of hard that happens for people I love in November and maybe it's a grace that the days are short so there is less daylight to be ruined by the ugh of it all.
Right in the middle of all this dark and bleak though, is my favourite holiday - American Thanksgiving. Right in the middle of being certain that the sun is not be seen again, right in the middle of reliving the deaths of dearly beloveds and the birthdays of newly-gones, right in the middle of all this dark is a day of thankfulness and celebration.
Thank God.
I'm going to make a turkey this year. I'm going to celebrate it, the one holiday left where gifts aren't exchanged but where every American person I know goes out of their way to be with the ones they love to share a meal and then play. Or relax. Or play then relax. But always a meal, and always with, and never gifts. I'll ignore the part where they're polluting it with Black Fridays and Target being open on Thursday. I'll ignore the ugly so that my heart can enjoy the goodness of being Thankful right in the middle of this mess.
And then the day after? the day after I'll start my advent advent. I'll bring out a few more candles. I'll hang the Advent calendar on the wall. Maybe put some green on the mantle. And we'll start easing our way to the the darkest night that brings with it The Light. And I'm going to sink into all of it with my freshly grateful heart and let the dark be so that I can see The Light.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
